


Rich & Stan & The Lo(s/v)er's Club

by tobylove (orphan_account)



Series: Lovers, Not Losers [1]
Category: IT (2017), IT - Stephen King
Genre: Aged-Up Character(s), Alternate Universe - High School, Author Commentary, Chatlogs, Chatting & Messaging, Crushes, F/F, F/M, Flirting, Friendship/Love, I'm Sorry, Implied/Referenced Self-Harm, LGBTQ Themes, M/M
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2017-11-23
Updated: 2017-12-26
Packaged: 2019-02-06 01:13:17
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 16
Words: 21,610
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/12806352
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/orphan_account/pseuds/tobylove
Summary: just another one of those silly group chat things!"I hate when he calls me Eds, but I kinda like it, too..."





	1. The New Kid on the Block

**Author's Note:**

> y'all ybl was hard for me to write, i'm not good at angst and school is hard so i'm writing this stupid shit//
> 
> these are the supplementary chats to go w the lover's club (tlc)! it can be read in conjunction to that or be a standalone read! :-)

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Richie transfers to Derry High and he's already the talk of the town.

_shortly after Richie's first day of class:_

You have a chat request from **bitchy richie!  
**

**Accept** **Decline**

 **bitchy richie:** thanks for touring me around best friend!!! ;-)

 **Stanley:** Oh. Hello, Richie.

I didn't know we were friends. Like you considered me your friend.

But I'm glad you do. I don't have any friends.

 **bitchy richie:** how can a bitchin guy like you _not_ have any friends??

 **Stanley:** Because I'm unapproachable?

 **bitchy richie:** but ur stan the man tho!!!?

 **Stanley:** Haha. I kind of like that. Hold on.

 **Stanley** has changed their name to **Stan the Man**

 **bitchy richie:**  gasp!!!!! 

i'm honored, really, truly ;,-))))

 **Stan the Man:** Haha

I like this. This is nice. Someone being nice to me and considering me their friend

 **bitchy richie:** i mean ur stuck w me now my guy

i ain't going nowhere, consider urself blessed

 **Stan the Man:** No. Consider _yourself_ blessed.

 **bitchy richie:** lmfao i like a guy who can keep up w my sense of humor ;-)

when do u want the wedding date to be???

**Stan the Man: *blushes.***

**bitchy richie: *smirks!!!!*  
**

**Stan the Man:** Are you flirting with me?

 **bitchy richie:** only if you want me to be flirting w u ;-)

oh also hey hey hey!!!!

what about those kids you intro'd me to today??? well like showed me really

how do we become their friends??

 **Stan the Man:** I don't even think we can. My guy.

They're the most popular kids in school. We don't have a chance.

I*** don't have a chance. I'm sure you do, though. You're approachable and funny and energetic and stuff.

Just their type.

 **bitchy richie:** awww ur funny too!!!!!!

 **Stan the Man:** Go on without me, Rose. ***Titanic movie reel.***

 **bitchy richie:** I CAN'T LEEEEEEEEAVE U JACK

 **Stan the Man:** Lmao you're fucking ignorant

 **bitchy richie:** hey ur just as childish as me my guy!!!

it's k tho. like i told u at school... i got a plan ;-)

 **Stan the Man:** To become their friends?

 **bitchy richie:** no my dude to become the king and queen of fucking shiba

 _yessss_ to become their friends!!!! 

what else?? ;-)

 

 _The_ _**~*** _ _**Lo(s/v)er's Club*~** Chat_

 **b-b-bill:** NEW GUY NEW GUY NEW GUY

 **marshmallow queen:** he seems p nice! but like a **b i g a s s n e r d**

 **Mike and Ike:**  haha bev why you so mean to ppl??  ***lmfao***

**marshmallow queen: n e r d**

**eddie special k:**  I mean, at least he's cute

 **b-b-bill:**!!!!

**marshmallow queen:**

**marshmallow queen:**  so u l i k e h i m is what ur telling me eddie

 **eddie special k:** No!!!!

Just because he's handsome doesn't mean I want to marry him or something!!!

 **ben to the ja to the min:** nobody said anything about marriage eddie ;-)

 **Mike and Ike:** speakin of marriage

i can hear the wedding bells now

 **eddie special k:** _STOP_

 **b-b-bill:** _YOU LIKE HIM  
_

**ben to the ja to the min:**  high five mike!!!

 **Mike and Ike:** high 5 ben!!!

 **marshmallow queen:** it's okay to admit it eddie ;-)

 **b-b-bill:** Hey Ren and Stimpy u guys are one to talk

Ben liking someone in this here chat

and Mike liking _S t a n_

 **ben to the ja to the min:** awww bill don't flatter yourself

 **Mike and Ike:** i don't know a stan

 **eddie special k:** ***LMAO!!***

 **b-b-bill: LMFAO** DON'T PLAY DUMB

Both of u know who I'm talking about!!! Stanley from chess club???

and @Ben: :-)

**ben to the ja to the min: stfu you stuttering fuck**

_i will murder u_

**b-b-bill:** I don't stutter anymorrrreee X-)

 **marshmallow queen:** hahahaha aww wait ben do u actually like bill???

 **ben to the ja to the min:** _NO WOMAN_

 **Mike and Ike:** _I DON'T KNOW A STAN  
_

_shut ur FUCKING mouth_

**marshmallow queen:** lmfao stan's that guy that toured the new guy around today right

who likes birds a lot???

 **Mike and Ike:** sigh yeah that's him

 **b-b-bill:** Wait what's even the new guy's name?

Ben we have 5th w him but i can't remember??? i feel bad :,-(

 **ben to the ja to the min:** shit... i can't remember either

 **eddie special k:** Richard

 **Mike and Ike:** hmmm?

 **b-b-bill:**????

 **eddie special k:** His name is Richard

 **marshmallow queen:** wow really proving mine and bill's point right wheezle

 **b-b-bill:** What's his last name, Eddie?

 **eddie special k:** Tozier

**b-b-bill:** _CAUGHT YA_

**marshmallow queen:** ohhhhh so like ur new last name

 **eddie special k:** Shut the FUCK up I have homeroom with him!!!!

That's how I know!!!

 **Mike and Ike:** high 5 bill!!!

 **ben to the ja to the min:** high five bev!!!

 **marshmallow queen:** i love u wheezle!!!!

 **b-b-bill:** I LOVE U WHEEZLE

 **ben to the ja to the min:** mike n i love you too!!!!

 **eddie special k:** Don't suck up now.

I've had enough of you guys

I'm going to sleep

 **b-b-bill:** Goodnight, my turtle doves!!!

 **marshmallow queen:** goodnight billy <3

 **Mike and Ike:** night guys!!

 **ben to the ja to the min:** wait why does bill get a heart

 **eddie special k:** Screw you all

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 


	2. Doses and Mimosas

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> When Stan types in all caps, you know it’s serious.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> oh my god i see why these are so popular they're so fun//

_Tuesday, 9:31 PM_

**bitchy richie:**  hey stan..... _super_ important question

 **Stan the Man:** What?

 **bitchy richie:** so......

should i change my name to rich bitch or keep it bitchy richie???

**Stan the Man:**

**Stan the Man:**  Honestly, if it were up to me, neither. 

Neither is tasteful, Rich.

 **bitchy richie:** got it

 **bitchy richie** has changed their name to **rich bitch!**

 **rich bitch:**  thanks best friend!!!

 **Stan the Man:** Jesus Christ

 **rich bitch:** hahaha ;-* also tomorrow is the day!!!

 **Stan the Man:** Yeah. The day that we get murdered.

 **rich bitch:** hey it's foolproof right? listen baby

on wednesdays they wear yellow, tomorrow is wednesday

we wear it, they like us, we become popular! _yowza yowza YOWZA!!!_

 **Stan the Man:** Hahaha it's not that fucking simple Rich

Also never 1) call me baby or 2) do that "yowza" thing ever again.

 **rich bitch:** well we'll see who's right n who's wrong tomorrow eh,,,,

and the loser,,,, forks over the cash moneyy ***rolling in dough***

 **Stan the Man:**  It's only $10 my guy. I'm genuinely laughing

But be prepared to be out of ten bucks.

 **rich bitch:** hahahaha okay my guy it's gonna be nice bein rich tho

and that's something, because i'm rich

 **Stan the Man:** Oh my _fucking god_ you're not funny

 **rich bitch:** _YOWZA_

 

_Wednesday, 10:22 AM_

**Stan the Man:**  WHAT THE FUCK RICHIE IT'S ACTUALLY WORKING

_BILL FUCKING SMILED AT ME_

 

_The **~*Lo(s/v)er's Club*~** Chat_

 

_11:11 AM  
_

**marshmallow queen:** is stan and the new guy trying to send us signals

like telepathically tellin us they wanna be our friends

if so, i'm down w it B-)

 **Mike and Ike:** I DIDN'T KNOW ANGELS COULD WEAR CLOTHES THAT WEREN'T WHITE

 **ben to the ja to the min:** mikey shut ur _thirsty ass up_

 **Mike and Ike:** MY THIRST IS COMPLETELY QUENCHED DUDE

 **b-b-bill:** NEW FRIENDS NEW FRIENDS NEW FRIENDS

 **Mike and Ike:** _wait no_

 **eddie special k:**  N o

 **b-b-bill:** We've gotta let them join the group!!

 **marshmallow queen:** u guys heard the man

bill is our l e a d e r we bow to him

 **b-b-bill: *blushy*** x-)

 **ben to the ja to the min:** _ahem_

anyway them joining the group what about that

 **eddie special k:** Maybe it isn't a good idea guys

Richard seems kind of rowdy. I like Stan, tho

 **marshmallow queen:** heeeey wheezle if they join the group then at least u'll have some actual eye candy

instead of these ugly mugs

 **eddie special k:** Fuck you bitch

 **Mike and Ike:** ^^^^!!!

 **ben to the ja to the min:** but i love u beverly

 **marshmallow queen:** hahaha i love u eddie i love you mike i love u ben i love u bill

mwwwwahhhh ;-*

 **b-b-bill:** ILY 2 

 **eddie special k:** Okay I'm sorry Bevvie I didn't mean it!!!!!

 **marshmallow queen:** _bow down to the queen_

 **b-b-bill:** So are u guys okay w me asking them do they want to eat lunch w us tomorrow???

 **marshmallow queen:** bring those nerds over

 **eddie special k:** I mean, _I guess_

 **Mike and Ike:** but thursday is stan's day to watch the birds

 **ben to the ja to the min:** wait if ur the queen and bill's the king then doesn't that mean you guys rule together

 **b-b-bill:** And how do u know that info Mike? ;-)

 **eddie special k:** @Benny: I think so??

 **ben to the ja to the min:** AGHHHHH

 **Mike and Ike:** AGHHHHH

 

 

_12:36 PM_

**rich bitch**  has changed the group name to  **ronnie and clyde >:-)**

 **Stan the Man:** Ronnie and Clyde indeed.

 **rich bitch: HEY STAN** THEY INVITED US TO LUNCH

 **Stan the Man:** I KNOW

 **rich bitch:** PAY UP BIATCH

 **Stan the Man:** How did you know it would work?

 **rich bitch:** hey man bc i've got that latino flair (TM)

 **Stan the Man:** Haha does your phone not have the ™ sy

Wait. Latino Flair™?

** rich bitch: ** yeah i don't have sad my guy :,-(

re: flair--every latino person has it duh stan

** Stan the Man: ** Why are you always on some dumb shit

 ** rich bitch: ** i'm drippin w sauce >:-)

 **Stan the Man:** Oh my god I'm going to kms

 **rich bitch:** but we gotta celebrate!!!

with DOSES AND MIMOSAS 

** Stan the Man: ** CHAMPAGNE AND COCAINE

 **rich bitch:** HELP TO GET ME THRUUUU 

heyyyy also  do u know if freckles has a bf

or is even into dudes

asking for a friend

** Stan the Man: ** Freckles. Eddie?

Lucky you. He's single _and_ gay, I believe.

**rich bitch:** NOT lucky for me i was asking for a friend remember

 **Stan the Man:** Mmhm.

 ** rich bitch: ** i was just asking bc bill asked us did we wanna eat lunch w them 2morrow

and i told them yes bc hell yeah

but i'm actually kinda nervous hahaha

**Stan the Man:** Richie Tozier, nervous?

_ WAIT SHIT BILL IS GOING TO BE THERE. FUCK _

** rich bitch: ** how could you have possibly forgotten babe ;-)   


but i feel u i'm hella nervous bc mousy is gonna be there

god. he’s so fucking cute stan

** Stan the Man: ** Awww. Richie has a little crush. That's actually cute.

But are you telling me we're going to eat lunch with BILL DENBROUGH

**rich bitch:** s'actly what i'm saying

 **Stan the Man:** Oh my god

 **rich bitch:** it's k baby we'll get through it!!!

let's take it one step at a time ;-)

** Stan the Man: ** I'm hyperventilating

 

 

 

 

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Stan: b i l l d e n b r o u g h


	3. That's Not My Name

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> All the Lovers are together now. And they have private chats, too.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> end me i'm dumb and not funny//

_Thursday, 6:08 PM_

**b-b-bill**  has added  **rich bitch** and  **Stan the Man** to the chat!

 **b-b-bill:** Thanks for lunch w us you guys!!

 **Stan the Man:** Holy shit

I mean

My pleasure.

 **marshmallow queen:** welcome n e r d s

 **Mike and Ike:** hey richard hey stanley

 **ben to the ja to the min:** sup guys!!

 **b-b-bill:** UR ONE OF US NOW

 **rich bitch:** did somebody say nerds

yeah i've got some if y'all want some **candayyy.jpeg**

 **b-b-bill:**   _SNICKERS_

 **rich bitch:** i've got some of those too big bill ;-)

**marshmallow queen: N O**

**Stan the Man:**  Please, just call me Stan.

Stanley is my... wait. The joke doesn't work. Nvm.

 **rich bitch:** i just go by richie or rich my dudes!!!

 **eddie special k** has changed their name to **five nights at eddie's**

 **five nights at eddie's:**  Whoa new editions!!

Hey Stan!!! Hey Richie!!

 **Stan the Man:** Hello Eddie and company. Thank you guys sm.

 **marshmallow queen:** u guys r one of us now mwaaah ;-*

 **rich bitch:** kissy ki

wait. _f r e ck l e s_

do u like new edition the band

also,,,, damn baby five nights? i'd spend all night w u

 **five nights at eddie's:** Sigh I tried to be nice

 **ben to the ja to the min:** _LMAO_

 **five nights at eddie's:** Also what did I tell you at school

My name isn't freckles or any of those other stupid pet names you give me

 **b-b-bill:** IT'S CUTE

 **marshmallow queen:** what u don't like it?

 **five nights at eddie's:** NO

 **rich bitch:** awww eds baby don't be like that <3

 **five nights at eddie's:** I HATE THAT ONE THE MOST

_STOP_

**Stan the Man:**  Awww. Cute.

 **ben to the ja to the min:** _L M A O_

 **b-b-bill:** CUTE CUTE CUTE

 **Mike and Ike:** love birds!!!

 **Stan the Man:** Speaking of birds, I saw a chickadee by the Standpipe. It was cute!

 **marshmallow queen:** ahh bro you go to that place?

 **ben to the ja to the min:** hahaha hey mikey b i r d s

 **Stan the Man:** I go there sometimes, but it creeps me out.

 **rich bitch:** stanny and mikey and big bill are right eds

we're basically an item

 **b-b-bill:** Oh oh oh hold on!!!

 **b-b-bill** has changed their name to **big bill**

  **marshmallow queen:** _BIG BILL HOW CUTE_

 **ben to the ja to the min:**  would it be cute if i changed my name to big ben?

like the clock

 **rich bitch:** ily eds <3

 **five nights at eddie's:** Let me put this in Tozierish so you'll understand it

_Don't fucking call me Eds I fucking hate that shit_

**Stan the Man:** Hahaha, lmao

 

 _The **ronnie and clyde >:-) **_ _chat_

 **rich bitch:** hahahah fuck dude eddie's so cute

 **Stan the Man:** YEAH BILL IS SO ADORABLE

He's so happy and cheery and just. aauUUUGHHhhHH

 **rich bitch:** p sure eds is feelin me ;-)

 **Stan the Man:** P sure Eds is feeling you.

Do you think that Bill likes me?

I mean, we fit in so well to the group.

But do you think he may... _like_ me?

 **rich bitch:** doesn't he call u stanny?? that's why i call u that ;-)

 **Stan the Man:** I mean, yeah, but... I dunno.

 **rich bitch:** don't sweat it babe!!

but we do fit in well right!!!

 **Stan the Man:** I don't know how you pulled it off.

You must be a witch.

 **rich bitch** has changed their name to **witchy richie**

 **witchy richie:** there ;-)

 **Stan the Man:** Hahahah. Now I'm satiated.

 **witchy richie:** anything for you baby ;-)

but nah i'm like 99% sure mike likes u tho

 **Stan the Man:** Wait what

 

_Bill and Eddie's PM, **p-p-pop goes the wheezle**_

**five nights at eddie's:** Why is he picking on me

 **big bill:** Who Richie?

 **five nights at eddie's:** YES

 **big bill:** _HE LIKES U_

 **five nights at eddie's:** I mean

I hate it when he calls me Eds

But I kinda like it too

It's like some... secret identity

 **big bill:** Or like a pet name?

 **five nights at eddie's:** WHOSE SIDE ARE YOU ON

 **big bill:** LMAO

 **five nights at eddie's:** Okay I admit it.... I like him, a little

He's more than cute.... he's handsome

And I kind of....

Like the attention he's giving me?

 **big bill:** Awww Eddie I had my suspicions that u did

But that's so cute!!!!

 **five nights at eddie's:** If you tell anybody I think he's a dreamboat

I will kill you

 **big bill:** U CALLED HIM HANDSOME NOT ME

 **five nights at eddie's:** Sigh true. Thanks for listening to my shit

 **big bill:** Anytime!!!

I LOVE U BEST FRIEND

 **five nights at eddie's:** I love you too Billy <33

 

 

_Ben and Mike's PM, ***Mario & Luigi***_

**Mike and Ike:** AAASUuuAHHGHG STAN AHHHH

he's a FU CKIN G ANGEL

 **ben to the ja to the min:** YEAH

BUT LIKE BEV

_HE FUCKING LIKES BILL_

**Mike and Ike:** why are we alWAYS gettin screwed over

like...... i'm a christian

and ur a smoking sweetheart

 **ben to the ja to the min:** not enough for b E V, IG

AUUAUUGHHG

 **Mike and Ike:** should i write him poetry or is that too much?

 **ben to the ja to the min:** i just don't want him to think bill wrote it

cause bev though that when i wrote her winter fires

and it hurt

and i love u mike

can't let u go thru that

 **Mike and Ike:** i love u man

u didn't deserve it either

but tbh i'm lowkey jealous... that really would hurt

like i get it... bill is amazing but

i wanna be amazing too

 **ben to the ja to the min:** i fuckin feel u on that

but we are amazing brother

cause i'm mario!

 **Mike and Ike:** and i'm luigi :-)

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Eddie: saoiflgjgog Richie leAVE ME ALONE KISS ME


	4. Breakfast at Billy's

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> More PMs!

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> sorry this is so long//  
> stan just pick a dude and sTICK W HIM

_Friday, 7:03 PM_

_The **~*Lo(s/v)er's Club*~** Chat  
_

**big bill:** BARRENS 2MORROW GUYS ARE U READY

 **Mike and Ike:** HOLD IT STEADY

 **Stan the Man:** Oh.... We've made a mistake, we've lost our minds

 **Mike and Ike:** WE'VE LOST OUR MEMORY

but yeeeee bill hahaha i'm ready!

 **Stan the Man:** Haha :-)

 **marshmallow queen:** bring a bathin suit guys don't come naked ;-)

 **witchy richie:** wtf are the barrens yall

 **Stan the Man:** We're going cliff diving.

 **witchy richie:** _c liff d iv in g ?_

_HELL YE_

**five nights at eddie's:** Yeah that's p much where everybody goes to hang out Rich

 **witchy richie:** thanks eddie spaghetti ;-)

 **five nights at eddie's:**?????

 **big bill:** AWWW HAHAHA

 **ben to the ja to the min:** can we bring snacks? i'm bringin salad

 **Mike and Ike:** salad as a snack?

boi i'm bout to f l a me

 **big bill:** Bring all the salad!!

 **marshmallow queen:** and some of ur chocolate cake!! ur such a good cook <3

 **ben to the ja to the min:** hahahaha thnx bevvie

@mike: shut ur 5 headed ass up

 **witchy richie:** bring that cake haystack i want Dat

and THAT BURN THOOO

 **five nights at eddie's:** Haha I just realized I don't have a good bathing suit

 **witchy richie:** come naked then baby

and i'll come too ;-)

 **five nights at eddie's:** Shut the fuck up

 

_The **p-p-pop goes the wheezle** chat_

**five nights at eddie's:**  Eddie spaghetti???

Come naked???

Wtf is his problem Turtle??

 **big bill:** I think ur his problem Bunny

And also I think it's stylized as Eddie Spaghetti™

 **five nights at eddie's:** Whatever!!! Why is he doing this to me

Why is he making me feel this way???

 **big bill:** Haha I think it's cute :-)

But u like it don't u??

**five nights at eddie's: _YES_**

_A LOT_

The shit he says makes me all tingly and.... UGHGHGH

 **big bill:** HEHEHEHE

TELL HIM

 **five nights at eddie's:** N O

Also I'm changing my name to Eddie Spaghetti

It's kinda cute

 **big bill:** Okayyyyy he's gonna be all over u my friend

 **five nights at eddie's:** Oh my god no you're right

 **big bill:** _SNICKERS_

Also.... do u think Ben is mad at me??

 **five nights at eddie's:** Idk :-0 why would he be mad at you??

 **big bill:** IDK

BUT I FEEL BAD LIKE I DID SOMETHING WRONG

Every time Bev says something to me it seems like he hates me!!!

 **five nights at eddie's:** Idk... maybe you should PM him

and see if that helps??

 **big bill:** You're ri

Wait. Is it because he likes Bev?? And he thinks I like her??

 **five nights at eddie's:** Maybe it's the other way around? hehehe

 **big bill:** Other way around?? Like... she likes him??

He likes me???

 **five nights at eddie's:** WAIT WHAT HAHAHAH

 **big bill:** Eddie help I'm confused

 

 _The **ronnie and clyde >:-) **_ _chat_

 **witchy richie:** damn dude did i go too far w the joking

eddie seems mad at me

 **Stan the Man:** Nahhhh.

He seems like he's playing hard to get.

Probably texting Bill about you rn.

But next time, maybe don't say anything about being naked?

 **witchy richie:** u right u right i can't even be mad

 **Stan the Man:** Don't sweat it, babe.

 **witchy richie:** :-0!!!

 **Stan the Man:** :///)

Anyway. Have you seen my bird book?

I'm about to _throw_ a bird.

 **witchy richie:** maybe u left it at school

i haven't seen it my guy :,-(

 **Stan the Man:** Shit... my book

Maybe somebody grabbed it for me.

 **witchy richie:** yeah maybe somebody like mi

 **Stan the Man:** Stop typing that.

But he likes Two Door Cinema Club! I'm excited.

 **witchy richie:** isn't that the band that u like w the two guys named mark

 **Stan the Man:** Nah that's Foster the People.

 **witchy richie:** so indie and screamo is ur thing

nice nice nice

and i like

 **Stan the Man:** Rap and Rock, haha.

 **witchy richie:** awww stanny u get me!!!

 **Stan the Man:** Don't make me fall in love with you.

Keep me updated on the whole Eddie thing.

 **witchy richie:** keep me posted on the book!!!!

 

_A new PM, from Mike >>> Stan_

**Mike and Ike:** uhhhh hey stan

sorry to bother u but uh

u left ur book at the table? i grabbed it for u

 **Stan the Man:** Oh thank God

Thank you so much, handsome.

 **Mike and Ike:** oooooh hahahahhaha ur weclome

 **Stan the Man:** Hold on. I've got an idea.

 **Stan the Man** has changed the group name to **Bird Book Boys**!

 **Stan the Man:** The BBB, haha.

 **Mike and Ike:** it's really cute!!!!

ur really.... funny hahahha

 **Stan the Man:** Thank you :-)

I'm glad somebody appreciates it. My humor is so dry.

 **Mike and Ike:** ohhh ur welcome!

and u like tdcc?

 **Stan the Man:** Yeah. They're my favorite band!

 **Mike and Ike:** MINE TOO

 **Stan the Man:** Haha! Coolio!!

Thank you so much, again. You're so sweet.

 **Mike and Ike:** anything for u stan

 

_Ben and Bev's PM, **shark boy and lava girl**_

**marshmallow queen:** beeeeeeen

are u mad at me???

 **ben to the ja to the min:** huh

why would i be mad at u?

 **marshmallow queen:** IDK MY GUY

bill asked me about it in our pm!

he thinks ur mad at him too... did we do something to upset u?

i'm sorry :,-(

 **ben to the ja to the min:** nonooo! i'm not mad at either one of u guys!

i'm just... moody ig

i haven't been feeling the best

also my guy? stop hangin w richie lmao

 **marshmallow queen:** ohhh sorry for flippin out then!

any reason why?

and he's cool my guy ;-)

 **ben to the ja to the min:** maybe the weight loss?

and the diet change

ig im still gettin used to it?

 **marshmallow queen:** well i hope u feel better soon

ur too much of a cutie to be feeling bad!!

 **ben to the ja to the min:** hHAHAHA thnx bev

also i'm sorry... tell bill i'm sorry too?

shit.... he just pmed me

 **marshmallow queen:** no probs baby cakes!

good luck!!!

 

 _Bill and Ben's PM,_ **_The Cowboy and The Lone Ranger_ **

**big bill: BENJAMIN  
**

ARE U MAD AT ME

 **ben to the ja to the min:** NAH

i'm sorry i made u and bev feel that way :,-(

it's just....

i think she likes u

 **big bill:** WAIT WHAT

OHHHH

THAT'S WHAT EDDIE MEANT

THE OTHER WAY AROUND

 **ben to the ja to the min:** huh???

 **big bill:** He thinks she likes me too??

And I'm sorry? I don't wanna steal ur thunder

It always makes me feel awkward when ppl like me

Everyone thinks I'm this super cool guy... I'm not

 **ben to the ja to the min:** what no!!!

ur one of the coolest guys i know! and our leader

 **big bill:** Man I'm baffled that ppl like me tbh

#carrottop

 **ben to the ja to the min:** hey redheads are in!!

ur like a modern thomas jefferson

 **big bill:** Eddie says that too HAHAHA

And I already know u think redheads are in ;-)

 **ben to the ja to the min:** FUCK U BILL

**big bill: _HAHAHA_**

 

_The ***Mario and Luigi*** chat  
_

**ben to the ja to the min:** BRO READ THIS SHIT **beautifulbev_screenshot3.jpeg**

 **Mike and Ike:** DUDE READ T HIS **angelicstan_screenshot4.jpeg**

 **ben to the ja to the min:** HIGH FIVE MIKE

 **Mike and Ike:** HIGH 5 BEN

 **ben to the ja to the min:** SHE CALLED ME CUTE

AND HE CALLED U HANDSOME

 **Mike and Ike:** _I KNOW_

MY HEART IS BEATING SO FAST DUDE

MY HANDS ARE SHAKING

 **ben to the ja to the min:** MY FACE IS COMPLETELY RED

 **Mike and Ike:** like bev's hair hAHAHA

 **ben to the ja to the min:** ur hands are shaking?

like u want stan's legs to be?

 **Mike and Ike:** boi shut yo blake shelton knock off headass up

 **ben to the ja to the min:** okay kevin hart

 **Mike and Ike:** NO

 **ben to the ja to the min:** _DAVE CHAPPELLE_

 **Mike and Ike:** _BILLY RAY CYRUS_ **  
**

**ben to the ja to the min:** take it back?

 **Mike and Ike:** _NO_

 **ben to the ja to the min:** shut ur ""anything for u stan"" headass up

 **Mike and Ike:** oh worm?

"hHAHAHA thnx bev"?

 **ben to the ja to the min:** fight me

 **Mike and Ike:** i'm outside fam

but seriously i'm happy for u bro!!!!

 **ben to the ja to the min:** same here bro!!!

u can change ur last name to uris now

 **Mike and Ike:** don't test me

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 


	5. (S)he Loves Me...

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> (s)he loves me not?  
> Everybody has their insecurities. A quick best friend swap.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> double upload bc why not ;-)
> 
> edit: there was a repetition, it’s fixed!!

_Saturday, 4:26 PM_

_The **~*Lo(s/v)er's Club*~**  
_

**big bill:**  I know we all literally just got done hanging out

BUT YAY THAT WAS SO FUN

 **Mike and Ike:** AWWWW YEAH

 **marshmallow queen:** I AGREE

 **Stan the Man:** I had a really good time.

 **ben to the ja to the min:** i can really tell stan ;-)

 **five nights at eddie's:** ^_^

Oh yeah I've gotta change my name

 **five nights at eddie's** has changed their name to **eddie spaghetti**

 **marshmallow queen:** _OOOOH_

 **ben to the ja to the min:** ALRIGHT EDDIE I SEE U

 **eddie spaghetti:** Shut up??

It's just punny okay

 **Stan the Man:** Cute cute cute.

 **witchy richie:** S _PA GH ETTI????_

 **eddie spaghetti:** Oh jfc

 **witchy richie:** oooh eds my love

i had suspicions of ur love and devotion

but now it is here right before my eyes

 **big bill:** HAHAHA CUTE

 **eddie spaghetti:** Stop picking on me?

Why do you always single me out

Like of all people

 **witchy richie:** soft

what light yonder window breaks

or whatever the hell it is

 **eddie spaghetti:** Whatever Richie

 

_A new PM, Richie >>>Bill_

**witchy richie:** yo bill

can i get real w u for a second?

 **big bill:** Yeah get realsies!!!

 **witchy richie:** hahah cool

but before i do

 **witchy richie** has changed the chat name to **kill bill & bitchy richie**

 **big bill:** HAHAH CUTE

But what's up Tozie?

 **witchy richie:** whoever told u that was cool lied to u my guy

but u and eddie are best friends right

am i going too far w the joking

does he not like me or smthn

 **big bill:** No!! That's the _farthest_ thing from it tbh

He's just... Eddie doesn't like opening up to ppl y'know?

 **witchy richie:** yeah that makes sense

it just seems like he thinks im annoying

i don't want him to feel like i'm picking on him

that's just how i tell ppl i like them ig

that's how i've always done it

 **big bill:** Aww Rich :,-(

He doesn't think ur annoying!!

Don't worry ur handsome lil head off abt it!!!

Between u and me..... he really thinks ur cute ;-)

 **witchy richie:** ARE U SHITTING ME

 **big bill:** NO HAHAH

 **witchy richie:** bill i stg if ur pullin my leg

 **big bill:** HAHAHA IM NOT

 **witchy richie:** well damn

i feel better already ;-)

 **big bill:** Good gorgeous!!!

Also, can I get realsies w u??

 **witchy richie:** man where are u getting these phrases from

the lame lane

but yeah my guy shoot!

 **big bill:** Does Stan like me?

 **witchy richie:** yeah

a lot

he wants to marry AND bone u

 **big bill:** Oh... oh my gosh :///0

But like why???

What do people see in me??

 **witchy richie:** maybe it's the surfer boy hair

and bev wants full redheaded babies like no contest

 **big bill:** I have surfer boy hair? ;-)

But idk it's just weird

I can't tell this to the other lovers bc I'm the "leader"

I feel like people have this image of me that they want me to be

And I'm just... not

 **witchy richie:** like..... the best?

at everything?

 **big bill:** Yeah.....

I feel like I'm letting ppl down

I'm NOT the best. At ANYTHING.

Bowers said it best. I'll always be a stuttering freak.

A gangly ginger loser.

 **witchy richie:** hey my guy u don't even stutter anymore tho!

and like ur funny n happy n cheery n nice

and u just have that personality that draws ppl to u and they put u in a leadership role

ur fuckin amazing dude

 **big bill:** Aww Richie marry me :,-)

 **witchy richie:** when u want the wedding to be???

 **big bill:** _SNICKERS_

 **witchy richie:** DON'T LEAD ME ON BILL

 

_A new PM, Stan >>>Eddie_

**Stan the Man:** Hey, Eddie.

 **eddie spaghetti:** Hey Stan!!!

Hold on!!

 **eddie spaghetti** has changed the group name to **birds and flowers**!

 **Stan the Man:** Hahaha ahhh that's cute

 **eddie spaghetti:** Thank youuuu ^_^

What's up???

 **Stan the Man:** I just had a really quick question.

Like, is there any chance I could make Bill like me?

What do I need to change?

 **eddie spaghetti:** AWW I see the way you always stare at him!

But what do you mean?

You're perfect just the way you are!

 **Stan the Man:** Haha, aw... that's really sweet.

But there's no way in hell a guy like Bill would like a guy like me.

He likes that Audra girl. I was just trying to... change his mind

God I'm pathetic

I hate myself so much

 **eddie spaghetti:** Hey cheer up hun :,-( you're not pathetic!!

And I'm sure Bill feel super bad if he knew you were sad

If that's any consolidation!

 **Stan the Man:** Yeah... at least he cares about me.

It's just. I have depression _and_ bipolar disorder

And I feel like I'm broken.

Like no guy will ever like me.

And when a guy is nice to me even once it feels like I'm falling in love

 **eddie spaghetti:** Because you feel unlovable?

 **Stan the Man:** Yeah, you get it.

Sorry to rant, btw. I didn't mean to overshare.

 **eddie spaghetti:** You're fine hun!!!

 **Stan the Man:** Also, Richie wanted me to ask if you're mad at him.

 **eddie spaghetti:** What?? Why???

Why can't he just PM me???

Is he scared or something?

 **Stan the Man:** Yeah, actually.

 **eddie spaghetti:** Oh god... am I that stand-offish

 **Stan the Man:** Nah. You're fine sweetie.

He's thrown off his game. I think he's used to people falling all over him

But you give him bite back.

 **eddie spaghetti:** I don't want to be rude to him

I don't mean it

But just like how you were saying

How could anybody ever like me? I understand how you feel

because I feel it too

 **Stan the Man:** Why? You're bubbly and adorable. And sweet.

 **eddie spaghetti:** Thank you :,-) idk just

I'm so frail and small and I always feel like I'm dying

Because that's what my mother has been telling me for so long

So now I'm so annoying and uptight

Just how could a guy like Richie like me? I don't understand it

So my natural response is just to push him away

Now I'M the one oversharing, haha I'm so sorry

 **Stan the Man:** You're fine, love.

He's persistent. Trust me. Haha

But you're right up Richie's alley, tbh.

 **eddie spaghetti:** Is he mad at me?

 **Stan the Man:** I think it's more that he's "sad at you".

 **eddie spaghetti:** Do I intimidate him?

 **Stan the Man:** I think so. But it's not bad at all.

He needs some intimidation haha

 **eddie spaghetti:** Would you look at that. Eddie Kaspbrak is intimidating!!

And yes he does!!! Knock his ego off!!! hahahah ^_^

 **Stan the Man:** Right, right ;-)

But I told him to PM you. So you should hear from him soon.

 **eddie spaghetti:** Okay...

Ooh, I'm scared.

 **Stan the Man:** He is, too. He's scared shitless.

But I'm sure you guys will work it out!

 **eddie spaghetti:** THANK U ILY

 **Stan the Man:** I love you, too. And hey?

Thanks for listening to me. No judgement.

 **eddie spaghetti:** Of course honey!!!

Thank _you_ for listening to _me!!!_

 **Stan the Man:** Anytime. ❤ 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 


	6. Nervous Nancy

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Another best friend swap.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> man it's reddie all up in this bullshit fam

_Monday, 11:16 AM_

_The **~*Lo(s/v)er's Club** *~_ _chat_ _  
_

**ben to the ja to the min** has changed their name to **haystack**

 **haystack:** are u guys tryin to actually pay attention in class

stop that

 **marshmallow queen:** ur gonna get ur phone taken away

 **haystack:** u too tho baby??

 **eddie spaghetti:** Chemistry sucks :-(

 **marshmallow queen:** i know eddie!!!

fuckin hate science

 **big bill:** NO CURSING IN MY CHRISTIAN CHAT

 **Mike and Ike:** I AGREE

 **haystack:** STFU

 **Stan the Man:** I don't text in class.

 **marshmallow queen:** oh is that right?

 **Stan the Man:** Yep. ;-)

 **marshmallow queen:** U GUYS STAN IS FUNNY

 **Mike and Ike:** yeah he really is haha

 **Stan the Man:** Why thank you, why thank you.

 **eddie spaghetti:** Roll call

Where is Richie?

 **haystack:** awww miss ur bf??

 **big bill:** Idk! I hope he's okay!!

Speak of the devil

 

_the **kill bill and bitchy richie** chat_

**witchy richie:**  fuck dude i'm scared

don't wanna do it

 **big bill:** He's just little ole Eddie!

He won't bite!!!

 **witchy richie:** i mean yeah

in theory

no dude has ever made me nervous before tho

 **big bill:** So he's different??

 **witchy richie:** yeah dude

he's not just some ordinary guy

he's eddie

 **big bill:** Don't worry!!! You got it!!

 **witchy richie:** thanks my guy :,-)

if it goes horribly i'm sure he'll pm u

almost ready, 1 more thing

 **big bill:** Knock him dead kid!!

 

_The **ronnie and clyde >:-) **chat_

**witchy richie:** operation eds

hype me up?

 **Stan the Man:** Fuck it up, fuck it up.

Rack it up, rack it up.

 **witchy richie:** BACK IT UP BACK IT UP

did he ask abt me in the gc?

 **Stan the Man:** Yes. He's worried about you.

 **witchy richie:** damn i'm such a fuck up dude

 **Stan the Man:** Don't be that way! He asked about you.

Step in the right direction.

 **witchy richie:** u right u right!

love u stan!!!

 **Stan the Man:** I love you, Richie.

 

_New PM, Richie >>> Eddie_

**witchy richie**  has changed the group name to  **a rose & its thorns**

 **eddie spaghetti:** Aw that's really cute.

Are you okay?

 **witchy richie:** nah

i'm sorry

do u hate me?

 **eddie spaghetti:** No? Sorry about what???

 **witchy richie:** shit dude everything ig

pickin on u

i just...... nvm

 **eddie spaghetti:** What???

 **witchy richie:** i pick on ppl i think are cute

ur cute

i'm diggin u

 **eddie spaghetti:** I'm what?

I'm cute?

You really mean that?

 **witchy richie:** yeah i just

i really like u

and i was gonna ask u

do u wanna go on a date w me

no bs

 **eddie spaghetti:** I.... I'm sorry I've been being so mean

I'm just scared okay

I don't understand why you like me is all..... like of all people

You're just so..... out of my league

 **witchy richie:** out of ur league?

that's laughable. ur outta mine

and why r u scared?

i think ur perfect

 **eddie spaghetti:** I..... yes I would love the date

My mom is gonna freak

I'm going to dress pretty

 **witchy richie:** ur always pretty spaghetti

u don't gotta try hard

 **eddie spaghetti:** You're so sweet when you wanna be ♡

 **witchy richie:** u tryin to make me blush and shit

sneaky sneaky freckles

**eddie spaghetti:** Kissy kissy ♡♡ hehehe

 

_ The **ronnie and clyde >:-) **chat _

** witchy richie: ** FUCK DUDE HE ACTUALLY SAID YES

HAHAHHAHAHA

IM SO FUCKING HAPPY

** Stan the Man: ** Dude.  Fuck it UP!

 ** witchy richie: ** !!!!!  i highkey thought he was gonna reject me 

just fuck dude

he's perfect

**Stan the Man:** Don't get all lovesick on me, Tozier.

 ** witchy richie: ** aye aye captain ;-)

 **Stan the Man:** I'm going to tell Bill.

Hype me up?

**witchy richie:** bitch u better WORK 

use protection cough u'll do great!!!

**Stan the Man:** Haha! I hope so.

 **witchy richie:** i know so my guy!

 

_ The **p-p-pop goes the wheezle chat** _

**eddie spaghetti:**  T URTL E 

LOOK AT THIS I **AHHHH_screenshot6.jpeg**

** big bill: ** BUNNY!!!! LOOK AT U!!!!!  


** eddie spaghetti: ** LOOK AT WHAT HE CHANGED THE PM NAME TO

That's so SWEET he's so CUTE 

I JUST...... I'm going to have an asthma attack

** big bill: ** HAHAH PLEASE NO

Are u the thorns and he's the rose? 

** eddie spaghetti: ** FUCK YOU HAHAHA

HE ASKED ME ON A DATE 

RICHIE ASKED ME ON A DATE!!!!

HE CALLED ME PERFECT

** big bill: ** HAVE FUN BABY BOY OMG

 **eddie spaghetti:** I'm going into anaphylactic shock

 **big bill:** Brb lover boy I got a PM!

From Stan?? Hmm I wonder what's up??

Don't die while I'm gone!!

**eddie spaghetti:** Shit I MIGHT

 

 

_ New PM, Stan >>> Bill _

**big bill** has changed the group name to  **big bill and stanny bear!!**

 ** Stan the Man:  ** Stanny bear...?  


**big bill:** What u don't like it?

 **Stan the Man:** No. I do haha

I have a really quick question though.

**big bill:** Okay!

 **Stan the Man:** What do you do when you really like somebody?

 **big bill:** That's easy

U tell them, silly! It's easier said than done

But once u tell them it's not so bad!

**Stan the Man:** I mean, I don't want him to reject me.

I take rejection really terribly.

And he's perfect, in my eyes. So I'm really intimidated.

** big bill: ** I believe in u!!

Who is it? Can I guess?

**Stan the Man:** You have three guesses.

 **big bill:** Okay! 

Is it Eddie?

**Stan the Man:** No dice. Cute, but not my type.

And Richie would throw a fit.

** big bill: ** HAHAHA _IS IT RICHIE_

 **Stan the Man:** What?? No. UGH

Well... okay, I admit. I did kind of have a little thing for him when I first met him.

**big bill:** A little thing?

 **Stan the Man:** Sigh. Okay. A big thing.

 ** big bill: ** I THOUGHT SO HAHAHA

 **Stan the Man:** Screw right off.

Last guess?

**big bill:** Is it me?

** Stan the Man: **

**Stan the Man:** Yes. 

**big bill:** Haha I was pulling at ur leg. I thought this is what this was about!

But thanks for admitting to the Richie thing HEHHEE

**Stan the Man:** Haha. PLEASE don't tell him.

How did you know?

**big bill:** We've been talking about Rich a lot

Bc he's the one that told me 

He sold u out! 

**Stan the Man:** Aw what the FUCK

 ** big bill: ** STANNY UR SO CUTE

 

_ The **ronnie and clyde >:-) **chat _

** Stan the Man: ** WHAT THE FUCK, RICHARD.

** Betrayal._screenshot1.jpeg **

**witchy richie:** hey he asked me!

sorry my man

i promised to tell the truth in the court of law

**Stan the Man:** Man, whatever.

 **witchy richie:** r u mad at me snookums?

 **Stan the Man:** No. He was bound to find out eventually.

 **witchy richie:** so u guys were discussing me?

hahaha what all did u say 

good things i'm sure right ;-)

**Stan the Man:** Hey dude it's not important

And don't call me Snookums.

** witchy richie: ** ily sweetie

 **Stan the Man:** Go to hell

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 


	7. Lunchtime Blues

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Richie and Eddie go on their date. Then, things get a little more serious.

_Monday,_ _8:59_ _PM_

_The **rose & it's thorns **chat_

**eddie spaghetti:**  Richie

Did you forget about me???

_10:36 PM_

**witchy richie:  
** open ur window spaghetti!!! i'm outside ;-)

 **eddie spaghetti:** Holy shit you are

I thought you were joking.

 **witchy richie:** why r u dressed to the nines lmao

keep it like that it's cute

hikin up ur window!!!

 **eddie spaghetti:** YOU WANT ME TO SNEAK OUT???

 **witchy richie:** nah i wanna sit down and meet ur old lady at 10 pm

yes! what's life w/o havin a little fun???

 

_The **p-p-pop goes the wheezle** chat_

**eddie spaghetti:** BILL are you still awake???

 **big bill:** You know I am!!

What's up love??

 **eddie spaghetti:** Richie and I just got back from our date.

He took me out to the woods. Which you know isn't my style.

BUT IT WAS SO CUTE AHHHH

HE PUT SO MUCH THOUGHT AND EFFORT INTO IT

 **big bill:** CUTE CUTE CUTE!

The woods tho?

Seems right up Richie's alley lmao!

 **eddie spaghetti:** YEAH

I thought I'd hate it!

But there was this nice little clearing he took me to. There was this lake, and he had a blanket, and we laid on it and looked at the stars and talked and just......

UGH I'm swooning

 **big bill:** SOOOOOO

He's basically ur bf now!!!

 **eddie spaghetti:** Shit I mean I GUESS

We cuddled and he basically asked me to prom so???

 **big bill:** Yeah so basically ur bf

 **eddie spaghetti:** What if he doesn't see me in that way tho????

 **big bill:** Eddie

EDDIE

 **hes-eddie_screenshot7.jpeg** **, fuck-dude-im-scared_screenshot8.jpeg**

 **eddie spaghetti:** Did he.... that's how he really feels about me?

 **big bill:** YES U LIL DUM DUM

Do u want him to be ur bf??

 **eddie spaghetti:** _Y ES_

_I WANT TO KISS HIM_

_I WANT HIM TO KISS ME_

**big bill:  
** LMAO then there's ur answer!!! ♡

 

_ The **ronnie and clyde >:-) **chat _

** Stan the Man: ** Are you guys back yet

How did it go?

**witchy richie:** _fuckin awesome my guy_

i got a mufuckin kiss on the cheek  


** Stan the Man: ** Yes!  Slide into those DMs. 

** witchy richie: ** IMMA SLIDE INTO HIS HEART

AND HIS PANTS

** Stan the Man: ** Horny Heathen.

 **witchy richie:** in the flesh ;-)

how did u n bill go?

**Stan the Man:** As well as it could've.

He called me, and I told him good luck with Audra.

Of course we're still friends, and I only shed a few tears.

** witchy richie: ** BRO U CRIED??

not my stanny :,-(

want me to call??

**Stan the Man:** Yes, please.

But be warned: this time, I may shed a _lot_ of tears.

**witchy richie:** cry it out baby!

 **Stan the Man:** Thanks Rich :,-)

 

_ The **shark boy & lava girl **chat _

** haystack:  ** hey bev...  


how r u handlin the bill thing?

**marshmallow queen:** lmao i thought u were gonna type how was i hanlon it

but i'm good ig 

like i knew that there wasn't a chance he'd like me as much as i liked him

ig that audra girl is better

**haystack:** damn i missed my pun opportunity haha

but she's not better than u!!

trust me, u'll find the girl or guy for u

**marshmallow queen:** thanks benny ♡

but where are they?

how long will it take? months? years?

**haystack:** hopefully not that long.

maybe the person who loves u 

is right in ur reach

** marshmallow queen: ** LMAO that's v ominous

but i mean i trust ur judgement

i want them to pop out the bushes or smthn lmao

that'd be funny

**haystack:** hahaha it would!

maybe he'll come soon

 

_ The  ***Ma** **rio & Luigi* **chat _

** haystack:  ** damn dude i pm'ed bev  


was that a mistake

**Mike and Ike:** i mean no!! 

i was gonna pm stan but.... hahaha i can't

**haystack:** u should!

i mean he seemed a lil upset at the barrens

well. a lot

and u consoled him so i think he'd preciate it

**Mike and Ike:** thnx man i think i'll pm him 2morrow :-)

how'd it go w bev?

** haystack: ** ugh **in-ur-reach_screenshot.jpeg**

FUCK

**Mike and Ike:** but that's ambiguous enough that u didn't give urself away!

 **haystack:** is that selfish?

like to try to put moves on her when she's tryna get over a guy

** Mike and Ike: ** if ur selfish then i def am

we're literally steering the same boat

don't beat urself up abt it!

at the end of the day u just want her to be happy

**haystack:** ur right... i know u feel the same w stan

even if we don't end up together

i just want her to be okay

 

_ New chat, Mike >>> Richie _

**witchy richie:** holy shit 

i've been waiting a long time for this 

**witchy richie** has changed group name to **richard ramirez and lebron james**

**Mike and Ike:** lebron??? LMAO dude u ignorant  


but hey... is stan okay??

**witchy richie:** yeah he's fine now! 

we're on the phone. i made him laugh

so that's a good sign

** Mike and Ike: ** i wanna make him laugh

not salty tho lmao

** witchy richie: ** l m a o  r u sure tho baby boy???

nah! i got the feelin u liked him A LOT

**Mike and Ike:** sighhhhh yeah

i mean the way u feel abt eddie

i feel about stan

** witchy richie:  ** oooh a vanilla chocolate swirl huh??

 ** Mike and Ike: ** BRO SHUT UP

LMAO

**witchy richie:** hahaha how much do u like stan my guy???

cause i like eddie A LOT a lot

i think i've got u beat ;-)

** Mike and Ike: ** i mean

i think i'm in

hahahahah nvm

**witchy richie:** love with him????

awww lebron

that's sooo cute my guy

i wanna be stan the man's best man

**Mike and Ike:** whoa whoa whoa

nobody said nothin abt love 

stop putting words in my mouth teezy

i'm not in love

not micheal hanlon

hahahahahhahaaha

 

 

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Rich: haha when are you gonna tell him ;-)


	8. Come on—Smile, Stanny!

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Eddie and Rich get a little lovely dovey in the group chat + Where's Waldo, Stanley Uris edition.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> sorry im trash fuiofd//

_Tuesday, 9:18 AM  
_

_The **~*Lo(s/v)er's Club*~** chat_

  **witchy riche** has changed their name to **rich the snitch**

 **rich the snitch:** SUP FUCKERS

 **Stan the Man:** Hello, Traitor.

Rich the Snitch indeed.

 **rich the snitch:** hahaha ily stan!

 **Stan the Man:** Piss off.

 **marshmallow queen:** henlo cute boys

 **big bill:** HEY DO U GUYS WANT TO GO BOWLING? ON FRIDAY?

 **Mike and Ike:** YASSS!

 **haystack:** wait why is his name rich the snitch lmao what happened

 **Stan the Man:** I don't know. Ask Richie.

 **eddie spaghetti:** Good morning everyone!!!

@Billy: bowling sounds nice!!!

 **marshmallow queen:** get ready to get ur eyebrows wiped off

i'm the queen of bowling

 **rich the snitch:** u have met ur match

im the fucking king bitch

@spaghetti head: hey beautiful ;-)

 **marshmallow queen:** try me tozier

 **eddie spaghetti:** hHHAHAHAHA

 **Mike and Ike:** get that gay shit outta my face

 **Stan the Man:** Goodfuckingbye.

 

_11:33 AM_

**Mike and Ike:** yall

where is stan???

 **big bill:** Maybe he's running late? Oh geez

I hope he's okay

 **rich the snitch:** he told me he would eat lunch w us

so i'm guessing he'll pop up soon

 **eddie spaghetti:** Maybe he's in the library??

Mikey I know you said he goes there a lot??

 **rich the snitch:** i'mma go look for him

n drag him to lunch w us

 **marshmallow queen:** WHERE'S MY BIRD BOY???

 **Mike and Ike:** @eddie reddie he's not at the library...

i already checked :,-(

 **haystack:** did he piss him off?

 **big bill:** DOES HE HATE US

 **rich the snitch:** hold on

 

_The **ronnie and clyde >:-) **chat_

**rich the snitch:** stan the man

u go mia my guy?

 **Stan the Man:** Leave me alone.

Please.

 **rich the snitch:**??? bro what'd i do

 **Stan the Man:** I'm not mad at you. I told you that.

I just want to be left alone.

Is that such a bad thing?

 **rich the snitch:** we all got worried abt u my guy

 **Stan the Man:** Don't you all have Audra and Beverley and Eddie to worry about?

 **rich the snitch:** so u are mad at me??

u really do seem like it

 **Stan the Man:** I'm not fucking mad at you

I don't know who the fuck I'm mad at

Maybe my fucking self

I'm so stupid for getting caught up in shit that will hurt me in the long run

 **rich the snitch:** is this abt bill?

u don't have to blame urself dude....

 **Stan the Man:** Well. Promise me one thing.

 **rich the snitch:** yeah ofc man if it'll make u feel better

 **Stan the Man:** Please don't leave me, Richie.

 **rich the snitch:** no man. never

i ain't going nowhere. like i said

ur stuck w me

 **Stan the Man:** I'm sorry for being so rude.

I would actually really like some company.

I'm by the oak tree where I bird watch. Ask Mike, he'll know which one.

 **rich the snitch:** u good boo sorry for bein so pushy!

i'll pm him

 **Stan the Man:** Thank you. And the phone call really helped yesterday.

I don't want to be like that.

 **rich the snitch:** ahhhh ik baby boy!

 

_The **richard ramirez and lebron james** chat_

**rich the snitch:** wait richard ramirez is a serial killer?

damn dude gotta change the name of the chat

 **Mike and Ike:** LMAO u didn't know?

also did u get in touch w stan???

i'm worried so much i'm nauseous

 **rich the snitch:** yeah he gave me steam, but he's ok

he said he's by an oak tree?

he said u would know where it was

 **Mike and Ike: OOOH** thank the lord

his bird watching tree?

i'll go and talk to him.... wait does he want space?

 **rich the snitch:** he said he wants somebody to come talk to him!

he's hot n cold i swear lmao love that guy

 **Mike and Ike:** so he's like an icy hot ;-)

get me hot then make me shiver

 **rich the snitch:** DAMN didn't know u had it in u christian boy

 **Mike and Ike:** i'm not as pure as y'all think ;-)

LMAO ANYWAYS SORRY ABT THAT i'll go talk to him

 **rich the snitch:** thanks my man!

let me know when u find him and how it goes

 **Mike and Ike:** u got it man!

 

_The **~*Lo(s/v)er's Club*~** chat_

**rich the snitch:** hey u guys stan's okay

 **eddie spaghetti:** GOOD!!!!

 **marshmallow queen:** MY BIRD BOY

 **haystack:** ahh man i thought he died where is he

 **rich the snitch:** his bf's gonna go talk to him

 **big bill:** Did he ever say what was bothering him??

 **rich the snitch:** not really?

but i'm sure he'll feel better when he gets to see his boo

 **Mike and Ike:** I'M NOT HIS BF

 **big bill:** LMAO X-)

 

_12: 04 PM_

_The **richard ramirez and lebron james** chat_

**Mike and Ike:** target in sight!

a gorgeous, breathtaking target

 **rich the snitch:** HAAA GAY

first order of business

 **rich the snitch** has changed the name to **richard simmons and lebron james**

 **Mike and Ike:** richard simmons

of all people

 **rich the snitch:** he's a comedian! just like ya boi

 **Mike and Ike:** ''''comedian''''

**rich the snitch: HATER**

how's it goin w u and jewish booish?

 **Mike and Ike:** HE'S NOT MY BOO..... **yet**

he seems like he's feeling better and he's smiling

richie

have u ever realized how cute he is when he smiles?

 **rich the snitch:** man ur whipped cream lmao

 **Mike and Ike:** awl for real

''''hey beautiful ;-)''''

 **rich the snitch:** in the words of a very wise man

"Piss off."

 **Mike and Ike:** LMAO even when he's mad he's funny

my love for stanley uris knows no bounds

 **rich the snitch:** _LOVE???_

 **Mike and Ike:** _CRUSH_ **  
**

_12:38 PM_

**Mike and Ike: RICHIE  
**

I GOT TO WALK HIM TO CLASS AND HE HELD MY HAND

FUCK

 **rich the snitch:** _HAAAA! G AY_

 

_The **Bird Book Boys** chat_

**Stan the Man:** Micheal.

Um.

Thanks for talking to me at lunch. Really.

 **Mike and Ike:** no prob stan! i was really really worried

and please, just call me mike ;-)

 **Stan the Man:** I didn't mean to make you guys worry...

I'm really sorry.

Just sometimes... I feel like you and Richie are the only people who care about me

 **Mike and Ike:** awww the other lovers care abt u too babe

we were all really worried abt u, i promise :,-)

 **Stan the Man:** I'm sure they do. I'm just not used to it.

Ungrateful, you could say. Just

You and Richie show it. That you care about me.

Even when I tried to push you guys away you still tried

 **Mike and Ike:** i don't think it's ungratefulness. like u said, ur just not used to it yet!

and it can be a really big change and that's scary u know?

 **Stan the Man:** Yeah... I dunno. Eddie and I were chatting, and he said similar things.

He puts up this wall because he's scared. Scared to get hurt.

I think I do the same thing.

 **Mike and Ike:** want me to tell u a story?

i was the last one to join the lover's club. bc i went to a baptist school and not public like everybody else

i was new. and the only black person in the whole group

i thought they would care about me less, idk..... like u guys said i was scared

but each of our friends has a diff special way of showing they care!

 **Stan the Man:** Well, geez. When you put it like that

It makes a lot of sense...

So you guys aren't mad at me? You guys don't hate me?

Bill doesn't? And Bev and Ben? And Eddie? And Richie?

And you?

 **Mike and Ike:** ofc not! none of those silly losers have a mean bone in their body

and we love you! u and rich are one of us

we're like a family. and y'all are our family

 **Stan the Man:** Oh, Jesus. Thank you sm...

 **Mike and Ike:** no prob. u don't deserve to be sad! u deserve so much more!

to feel important and special

ur special to me babe

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 


	9. Feel Like a Brand New Person

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> But you make the same old mistakes  
> I don't care I'm in love...

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> SORRY for this fucking raunchiness end me please//
> 
> also you guys don't even officially date yet can y'all chill

_Wednesday, 9:06 PM_

_The **~*Lo(s/v)er's Club*~** chat_

**Stan the Man:**  I just wanted to say sorry to you guys again.

I really didn't mean to be so rude. And to make you guys worry.

 **marshmallow queen:** it's okay birdie ily!!!

 **big bill:** WE LOVE U STANNNNN <3 ILY

 **haystack:** dude as long as ur not dead!! ily bro

 **Mike and Ike:** i love u stan

 **eddie spaghetti:** S T AN L E Y

 **Stan the Man:** Haha, thank all of you guys so much. For putting up with me.

What about you, Traitor?

 **rich the snitch:** ur the second person who has my heart bestie ;-)

 **haystack:** and who's the first? just curious

cause i TOTALLY don't know?

 **rich the snitch:** SPAGHETTI HEAD!!

 **eddie spaghetti:** hhhHHHEEHEHE <3

 **marshmallow queen:** wait! what's goin on here

 **rich the snitch:** love to make u laugh baby <3

 **eddie spaghetti:** Rich!!! You're so sweet ://)

 **rich the snitch:** ur sweet like candy boo ;-)

 **haystack:** so when are y'all gonna tell us bout the wedding

 **big bill:** AWWWW CUTE!!!!

 **Stan the Man:** LMAO oh my God. Use protection.

 **rich the snitch:** i like it bare baby boy!!!

 **eddie spaghetti:** Absolutely not.

I mean

Richie and I are not going to engage in sex

 **Mike and Ike:** oh worm?

 **big bill:** LMAO FUCKING CUTENESS OVERLOAD

Goodnight turtle doves!!!

 **eddie spaghetti:** Shit shit shit

 

_The **rose & its' thorns **chat_

**eddie spaghetti:** Don't say stuff like that again

You embarrassed me!!!

 **rich the snitch:** aww freckles doesn't like a little risque

so u didn't like it at all?

no shivers down ur spine or anything?

 **eddie spaghetti:** I mean.... yes, but that's beside the point!!!

We're not having sex until way later. A few months at the very least.

 **rich the snitch:** that's fine! i love cuddling and holding hands

and just spending time w u in general.

u make my whole day brighter

just know, when we get to that point

 **eddie spaghetti:** Oh? What are you going to do to me, Richie?

 **rich the snitch:** make u cum silly boy

lose ur voice and blow ur back out

 **eddie spaghetti:** Mmmm.......

what if i want that?

what if i wanna..... uh your... on my knees?

 **rich the snitch:** mmm naughty naughty eddie

u look at me w those big pretty brown eyes

 **eddie spaghetti:** HAHAH OKAY RICH I'M GOING TO SLEEP

 **rich the snitch:** awww i embarrassed u again baby?

cute cute cute!

 **eddie spaghetti:** GOODNIGHT

 

 _The_ **p-p-pop goes the wheezle** _chat_

 **big bill:** Nightly check up! U've been quieter today!

What's up Bun Bun???

 **eddie spaghetti:** BILLY... RICHIE

HE.... **pretty-brown-eyes.screenshot9.jpeg**

 **big bill:** OKAY HOLY SHIT

SEXUAL DEVIANT!!

 **eddie spaghetti:** A CALIFORNIAN SEXUAL DEVIANT

But is it bad... if I want him to do those things to me?

 **big bill:** Hahaha no, silly!

We are teenagers, after all! And this is ur first relationship!

Hormones and shit, u know??

 **eddie spaghetti:** You're right! BUT I'M SO.... UGH

MY FACE IS RED

 **big bill:** Maybe Richie can help u tomorrow?

 **eddie spaghetti:** OMG BILL SHUT THE FUCK UP

 **big bill:** HAHAHA

 

_Thursday, 3:14 PM_

_Bill and Bev's PM, **redheaded stepchildren**_

**marshmallow queen:** so eddie and rich are a thing now?

good job ed ;-)

 **big bill:** I think so?? They went on a date! Eddie wants another one?

And other things too apparently HAHAHA

 **marshmallow queen:** OOH do tell?? or will eddie get mad?

i know rich won't give a shit

 **big bill:** I'm p sure Eddie won't be mad, my darling

_HE WILL BE PISSED_

**marshmallow queen:** true dat true dat!

hey are u asking that girl out to prom? laura? sasha...?

 **big bill:** Audra! :-) Silly Bevvie <3

I want to!! BUT I'M SO SCARED HAHA WHAT IF SHE DOESN'T LIKE ME

OR SHE SAYS NO

 **marshmallow queen:** i'm sure she won't billy

she'd have to be dumb af to turn u down, ur handsome n caring n nice

perfect

 **big bill:** BEVERLY UR SO SWEET I'M GOING TO CRY

I JUST NEED SOME FEMALE EXPERTISE I GUESS

I can't ask any of the other guys!! They'll laugh at me!!! Except Eddie!!

But he's so enamored w Richie he's got on rose tinted glasses u know?

 **marshmallow queen:** before i do that

can i tell u something that's been on my mind forever

 **big bill:** Yeah gf get realsies!!

 **marshmallow queen:** ur so cute bill

okay so i

 **big bill:** Hmmm?

 **marshmallow:** oh shit phone's bout to do whoops

catch ya later my dude

 

_The **ronnie and clyde >:-) **chat_

**Stan the Man:** Richie. You haven't annoyed me today.

Did you die?

 **rich the snitch:** u mean grace u w my heavenly presence?

and i just had some hw to do my guy

 **Stan the Man:** You don't do your homework.

 **rich the snitch:** DAMMIT i hate how u can see right thru my front

 **Stan the Man:** Wasn't a very strong front lmao

Were you rubbing one out thinking of Eddie or something?

 **rich the snitch:** i uh hahahahah

 **Stan the Man:** Omg, ew. Dude, I was just kidding.

 **rich the snitch:** shit

speakin of rubbing one out

haven't heard from mike much all day

maybe he's doing the same abt u ;-)

 **Stan the Man:** Stop that. It's not funny.

Who am I kidding. That's who I wanted to talk about.

 **rich the snitch:** y'all getting married?

can i be stan the man's best man?

 **Stan the Man:** RICHIE! TAKE THIS SERIOUSLY! Please.

Like I know you've teased me about it. But.

Do you think he actually likes me?

 **rich the snitch:** uhhh dude

yeah lmao

he absolutely adores u

 **Stan the Man:** He what? Adores me?

Look at this. **Babe_screenshot2.jpeg**

 **rich the snitch:** more proof!

dig it **my-love-for-stanley_screenshot3.jpeg**

 **Stan the Man:** Dammit. You really are Rich the Snitch, lmao

But... He said that? Like, why?

And he kept on calling me babe.

 **rich the snitch:** u like all that brown sugar stanny

quit frontin

 **Stan the Man:** Okay okay. Whatever. What if I do.

Just a little.

 **rich the snitch:** dude ur fronts aren't strong either lmao

ur whole face lights up when u see him my guy

blushy blushy!

 **Stan the Man:** I'm done talking to you.

 **rich the snitch:** ily!!!!

 

_The **shark boy and lava girl** chat_

**haystack:** so howd it go w tellin bill

 **marshmallow queen:** i lied and told him my phone was dying

F U C IK

 **haystack:** ahhh that's too bad

 **marshmallow queen:** yeah... but he's asking audra or w/e to prom

feelings r vastly hurt.

i kid. it's nbd now

 **haystack:** bev

are u sure

 **marshmallow queen:** yeah i'm cool! i'll get over him

rather stay his friend then date him n it ends badly

then i end up losing him as both

 **haystack:** that's true.... i'm so sorry

i know u said it doesn't bother u but i can tell it does...

hey bev?

 **marshmallow queen:** what's up my guy!

 **haystack:** what's so good about him? bill i mean

like i love him and he's really great but

it just kinda gets me down sometimes bc

nvm

 **marshmallow queen:** aww what's up my guy??

why does it get u down??

 **haystack:** oh look at that my phone's dying now lmao

 **marshmallow queen:** wait be

 

_The **redheaded stepchildren** chat_

**marshmallow queen:** bill **bens-a-liar_screenshot4.jpeg**

why'd he pull this on me

help

 **big bill:** Aww what gets Benny down??

And I guess the same reason u pulled it on me silly!

A l s o

I thought UR phone was dying, Marshmallow Queen? ;-)

 **marshmallow queen:** aw **_FUCK_**

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Bill: whose phone is dying??? What's the truth???


	10. Kinky Boots

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Who wants to go on a date?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> 1) fuck it up ben handsome!  
> 2) micheal and edward go to church  
> 4) lmao bill so you're just going to drop all your typing quirks for a pretty girl..... mood tbh

_Friday, 7:11 PM  
_

_The **~*Lo(s/v)er's Club*~** chat_

**marshmallow queen:**  smack it sideways 

smack it smack it in the air

 **Stan the Man:** Legs moving side to side. Smack it in the air!

 **eddie spaghetti:** WAVE YOUR HANDS SIDE TO SIDE SMACK IT IN THE AIR

 **big bill:** Wait...

OOOH OKAY! I GET IT NOW

 **rich the snitch:** okay beyonce but u got ur ass beat

 **marshmallow queen:** hey my guy i was in 2nd place so ¯\\_(ツ)_/¯ 

**rich the snitch:** hey bev let's change our names

 **rich the snitch** has changed their name to **bowling king**

 **marshmallow queen:** hahaha got it

 **marshmallow queen** has changed their name to **bowling queen**

 **haystack:** gdi now ur names match

 **Mike and Ike:** i feel like u guys rigged the game

 **big bill:** SAME??? I'm usually great at bowling!!

 **bowling king:** u just salty cuz u were trying to impress stan

don't even front my guy ;-)

 **Mike and Ike:** k. and what if i was? he's a cutie patootie

 **Stan the Man:** Handsome Ransom :///)

 **big bill:** Okay do u guys want me to have a cuteness aneurysm or what??

All of u

 **haystack:** everybody's pairing up now?

high five mike!!

 **Mike and Ike:** thanks brother! and we're not dating haha!

 **bowling queen:** yeah not yet lmao

 **Stan the Man:** Eddie's right.

You all just get a kick out of teasing people, don't you.

 **eddie spaghetti: SEE** someone's on my side!!!

 

_New PM, Ben >>> Richie_

**bowling king:** u know how i do's it!!!

 **bowling king** has changed the group name to **trashmouth and kinky boots**

 **haystack:** lmao that's fair

hold on

 **haystack** has changed their name to **kinky boots**

 **kinky boots:** is it bc of my shoes?

 **bowling king:** s'actly

ben handsome stepping on my shoes w the motherfucking cowboy boots bitch

_DISGUSTING_

**kinky boots:** LMAO I'M ON THE FLOOR

why'd u pick richard ramirez for urs and mike's pm lmao?? i'm just curious

 **bowling king:** he's latino, i'm latino, duh ben handsome

 **kinky boots:** but he's....... a serial killer rich

 **bowling king:** hey dude

at first i didn't latino!

 **kinky boots:** ur the most ignorant person i know u know that

 **bowling king:** thank u sm ;-)

 **kinky boots:** haha vines and killers aside....

how did u get the confidence to ask ed out???

 **bowling king:** ohhh so this is what this abt i see u i see u

gonna pop the question to the queen?

 **kinky boots:** geez ur making it sound like i'm proposing to her

 **bowling king:** isn't that what u wanna do?

 **kinky boots:** stfu.....

i mean out of all of us u seem to be so confident n have it together all the time

i wish i could be like u rich

 **bowling king:** NO NO NO terrible goal to have

in all seriousness my guy just pm her, act way more natural than i did w freckles

it's gonna be scary af dude, i admit, but don't back out

commit to that shit!

 **kinky boots:** ur.... ur right

i'm gonna do it. thanks rich. send me more memes my fucking way!

 **bowling king:** no probs boots! u got it ;-)

 

_The ***Mario and Luigi*** chat_

**kinky boots:** I THINK I'M GONNA ACTUALLY CONFESS TO BEV TOMORROW

god wish me luck

 **Mike and Ike:** kinky boots?? why lmao

 **kinky boots:** 2 words: richard tozier

 **Mike and Ike:** say no more

but u got this man!!!!

 **kinky boots:** thanks man!! and what abt that date w stan?

 **Mike and Ike:** yeahhhh uh abt that

I really wanna ask him but I'M TOO SCARED TO LMAO

 **kinky boots:** NOW WE BOTH GOTTA DO IT

 **Mike and Ike:** oh lord and christ.... okay!

 **kinky boots:** whoever doesn't do it first has to do a favor for the other

prepare to lose lame maine

 **Mike and Ike:** ur on u nebraskan motherfucker

 

_The **Bird Book Boys** chat_

**Stan the Man:** So is it true, Mikey?

You were trying to impress me?

 **Mike and Ike:** well uh.... i ain't gonna lie lmao

yeah... i was. did it work?

 **Stan the Man:** Well, you looked so chiseled and strong. So yes.

 **Mike and Ike:** u were over there looking like a snack baby

 **Stan the Man:** Well! I hope you have an appetite. Baby. Mhmhmhm

 **Mike and Ike:** damn stan. tbh

ur like a full course meal and i'm VERY hungry

 **Stan the Man:** Okay I know I initiated this but now I'm blushing

 **Mike and Ike:** can i try to make u blush mo

not even gonna finish that thought ignore me hahahahaha

i was gonna ask.... would u like to go on a date w me???

 **Stan the Man:** Wait, really?

I... I would love to!

 **Mike and Ike:** oh my gosh hahahah nice!

 

_The **rose & its thorns **chat_

**eddie spaghetti:** Look at my little bowling king!!! Showing out <3

 **bowling king:** oh baby so u like that, huh?

u like _cocky_ dudes?

 **eddie spaghetti:** Yes!!! I l felt proud I could brag on my mans ://)

 **bowling king:** ohh? ur mans? so i can brag and say ur my bf?

 **eddie spaghetti:** Yes silly boy!! I'm all yours, sweetie

In more ways than one <3

 **bowling king:** naughty naughty freckles ;-)

u wanna go on a second date?? or at least hang out?

 **eddie spaghetti:** Can you come over to my house tomorrow??

I'll keep my window unlocked!!

 **bowling king:** anything for u cutie <3

 

_The **ronnie and clyde** chat_

**Stan the Man:** Shit. I like him I like him I like him

**ImpressMe_screenshot4.jpeg**

**bowling king:** look at stanny showin out

don't start something u can't finish ;-)

 **Stan the Man:** I didn't know he was gonna entertain me.

Shit. A date. He. Richie. I'm swooning. I'm scared. What do I do?

 **bowling king:** _bone him_

hahah be my guy dude! relax. not so wound up. have fun!

 **Stan the Man:** Okay! I'll try!

 

_The **p-p-pop goes the wheezle** chat_

**big bill:** ASKING AUDRA ON A DATE

WISH ME LUCK

 **eddie spaghetti:** KNOCK HER DEAD KID OMG!!!

 **big bill:** And the Richie situation?

 **eddie spaghetti:** HE KEEPS ON FLIRTING WITH ME **cocky_screenshot10.jpeg**

I'M SO HORNY TMI AHHH

 **big bill:** HAHAH EDDIE KILL THE GAME!!!

 **eddie spaghetti: uuUUUuMMMGH** LIKE I SAID

KNOCK HER SOCKS OFF BILLY!!!

 **big bill:** SHIT I'LL TRY MY BEST!!!

 

_The **s** **hark boy and lava girl** chat_

**kinky boots:** sigh okay bev

this is probably the absolute worst time to do this but

what i was gonna tell u yesterday. i like u. i really like u.

i lo

 **bowling queen:** wait.... really

ur not bsing me?

 **kinky boots:** ofc not i would never joke around w u like that

mike? yes. bill? yes. richie? yes.

but never u

 **bowling queen:** oh.... my god ben

ppl kept on telling me but i thought it was a joke

did u.... did u write winter fires?

 **kinky boots:** oh?? yeah i did.....

 **bowling queen:** it was the most beautiful thing i've ever read

 **kinky boots:** i think...i.... ur so beautiful and great bev

 **bowling queen:** my heart burns there too.....

 

_Bill and Mike's PM, **silver and mr. chips**_

**Mike and Ike:** oh my gOD DUDE

I ASKED STAN ON A DATE

HOW DO I ACT BILL DENBROUGH-ISH

 **big bill:** HAHAH NO HANDSOME just act Mike Hanlon-ish!!! <3

He wouldn't have agreed to go on a date if he didn't like u for u!

 **Mike and Ike:** that is true....

 **big bill:** Alsou were flirting mad hard at the bowling rink. but he was smiling and biting his lip tho

So i think ur in good standing ;-)

 **Mike and Ike:** and for the second time today

i'm blushing

 

 _New PM, Bill >>> Audra (_ **_a writer needs an actress_ ** _)_

 **big bill:** AUDRA?

 **A. Phillips Hamilton:** WILLIAM??

 **big bill:** Hahaha okay this is totally embarrassing and you're totally free to say no

But um... I've got two tickets to a matinee and nobody for the second; woe is me

Would you like to... go with me?

 **A. Phillips Hamilton:** i thought you'd never ask!

honestly you're the cutest, I would love to go!

 **big bill:** Wait, you've been anticipating this??

 **A. Phillips Hamilton:** i mean, yes?? well, daydreaming about it

if this is your way of telling me you really like me... then you're doing a great job <3

 **big bill:** OH GOD OKAY HAHA

Legit thought you were going to reject me!

 **A. Phillips Hamilton:** william. i would have to be a fool to turn you down.

 **big bill:** Wait... really??

 **A. Phillips Hamilton:** yes! all of your friends look up to you. because you're just that type of guy.

and you're the first guy i've ever met that has talked slow, not like they're in some big rush. because you know you're going to get to where you want to go. and you're so caring, and thoughtful. and i adore that about you.

 **big bill:** I adore you.

 **A. Phillips Hamilton:** i adore YOU, william.

 

_The **p-p-pop goes the wheezle** chat_

**big bill: I-adore-u_screenshot11.jpeg** hhhHHHhHHHH

 **eddie spaghetti:** oh my GOD I'M???

TURTLE!! LOOK AT YOU!!! CONGRATS!!!

 **big bill:** LIKE SHE ACTUALLY FUCKING LIKES ME BACK???

But she's so beautiful, nice and talented, ambrosial... why me???

 **eddie spaghetti:** Bill. You keep on downplaying yourself.

It's because you're the best!!

 **big bill:** THANKS BUNNYYYY <3 U know I don't always feel like I am

But today I feel like I deserve it!!

I feel on top of the world!! Invincible!!

I finally feel like a leader!!!

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Eddie: Wait why is Ben's name Kinky Boots now?  
> Stan: Probably because of some stupid shit Richie said tbh


	11. Let's Get Spooky

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Fun Halloween-birthday celebrations + Rich and Eds spend some more time at the latter's place.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> i'm sad what's new lmao so double upload maybe? more hormonal teenagers i'm
> 
> richie has no filter should probs bump up the fic rating i'm sorry//

_Thursday, 11:09 AM_

  
_The **~*Lo(s/v)er's Club*~** chat  
_

**big bill:** AAHHH MIKE HAPPY EARLY BDAY AGAIN

 **bowling queen:** ILY CHIPS

 **eddie spaghetti:** MI K E Y

 **kinky boots:** happy bday u insufferable fuck lmao, i love u

 **Stan the Man:** I love you, Micheal. Happy early birthday!

 **bowling king:** YOOO happy day that u popped out of ur mom's cooch my guy!

 **Mike and Ike:** THANKS GUYS well

@Ben: u suck ;-) @Richie: thanks i guess? LMAO

 **big bill:** U know what would be fun?

If we all changed our names to our costumes!

 **bowling king:** say no more big bill

 **bowling king** has changed their name to **californian delinquent**

 **eddie spaghetti:** Oh god Rich you actually picked that inmate costume didn't you??

 **californian delinquent:** it was literally calling my name baby

 **eddie spaghetti:** SIGH... hold on

 **eddie spaghetti** has changed their name to **nurse kaspbrak**

 **big bill:** LMAO OH MY GOD YAY!!!

 **big bill** has changed their name to **dr-a-a-acula**

 **bowling queen**  has changed their name to  **pinup queen**

 **Mike and Ike** has changed their name to **Mario H.**

 **Stan the Man** has changed their name to **Cat-ley Uris**

 **kinky boots** has changed their name to **luigi, bitch**

 **dr-a-a-cula:** Now we all match!!

 **Cat-ley Uris:** I hate myself more and more each day

The more and more I get caught up in your guy's shenanigans.

 **californian delinquent:** u love it stanley manly

 **pinup queen:** ily stan ur precious <3 also HELL YEAH

I'M READY TO PARTY BITCH

 **Mario H.:** no alcohol y'all! my grandparents will be pissed lmao

and oh my god i love u stan

 **nurse kaspbrak:** Yay it's going to be so fun!!!

 **luigi, bitch:** it's bouta be lit fam

_Friday, 9:52 PM_

**luigi, bitch:** IT WAS LIT FAM

 **dr-a-a-acula: MIKE** I LOVE BONFIRES!!

 **nurse kaspbrak:** Me too!! They're so cozy!! And I'm so glad you had a good bday!!

 **californian delinquent:** me too my guy!

it was also a good night for me

bc i got a little kissy kissy nahsayin

 **Mario H.:** THANK U GUYS i'm glad u liked it!

@Rich: DON'T EXPOSE HIM LMAO

 **nurse kaspbrak:** Shut up. It was one kiss

You're acting like we made out or something.

 **californian delinquent:** shit i WANTED TO BABY BOY

 **pinup queen:** somebody else got some kisses too nahsaying

 **luigi, bitch:** bEV NO STOP

 

_New PM, Richie >>> Bev_

**pinup queen** has changed the group name to **m y g u y**

 **pinup queen:** m y g u y **  
**

**californian delinquent:** m y g u y !

i'm glad to see i taught u well

 **pinup queen:** man tozier shut up

u learned from the best

 **californian delinquent:** big bill denbrough?

 **pinup queen:** absolutely not LMAO

 **californian delinquent:** hey he flirts w every single last one of us

"stanny, beautiful", gorgeous, handsome"....

and my favorite, "bunny"

 **pinup queen:** lmao he's been callin ed that since elementary school

eddie calls him turtle. u know like tortoise and the hare?

 **californian delinquent:** yeah so

flirting

 **pinup queen:** jealous or nawl?

 **californian delinquent:** no tf why would i be

 **pinup queen:** ok i'll let it go for now lmao

but bill's a lil too sweet for all that flirting. that's just how he is

dumbass

 **californian delinquent:** that's what he WANTS U TO BELIEVE

BITCH

 

_The (now very fitting) ***Mario and Luigi*** chat_

**Mario H.:** now why the FUCK was he dressed as a cat

 **luigi, bitch:** same reason why bev dressed like a pinup girl >:///(

and hey to his defense he gave u fair warning

his name is on here is catley uris now lmao

 **Mario H.:** i mean....

i'm trying to abstain from sin

he's sinful

 **luigi, bitch:** u wanted to smash?

 **Mario H.:** i WANTED to smash

wanted to take him to my room and screw him so hard

that he wouldn't need those braces

 **luigi, bitch:** UGH BRO...... mood tho tbh

 **Mario H.:** i'm sorry!

it's just that he was so.... sexy! hot!! and stuff!

 **luigi, bitch:** well bev could've gotten the business too

NAHSAYIN

 **Mario H.:** oh my god ben

we both need to go to church

 

_The **rose & its thorns **chat_

_10:19 PM  
_

**californian delinquent:** pssst freckles

spaghetti

i'm on my way to ur house

 **nurse kaspbrak:** You know what I'm not even going to object this time

Because this time I'm ready for it

and I wanna spend time with you <3

 **californian delinquent:** awww ur so fuckin cute eddie

u make my heart say "damn dude chill"

 **nurse kaspbrak:** You have the weirdest ways of showing me affection.

Don't stop, I like it :///)

 **californian delinquent:** i like how much u like pda

i dig that shit.

i'm outside open ur window jules!!

 **nurse kaspbrak:** Well as long as you're not screaming like last time!!!

Romeo. Hehehe

 

  _12:07 AM_

_The **p-p-pop goes the wheezle** chat_

**dr-a-a-acula:** Sooooo u know I'm nosy

How'd it go w u and Rich??

 **nurse kaspbrak:** OKAY SO I CAN'T KEEP PROMISES TO MYSELF

I CAVED IN

 **dr-a-a-acula:** EDDIE HOLY SHIT did u guys have sex???

 **nurse kaspbrak:** No!! Well.... kinda hehehehehe

It was foreplay?? TMI OMG

 **dr-a-a-acula:** SPILL THE _FUCKING_ DEETS

 **nurse kaspbrak:** Okay so like

We were making out at first, just simple stuff

Then he started nibbling on my neck and collarbone and stuff?

Bill! I found out that I REALLY like that

 **dr-a-a-acula:** OKAY!!!!

 **nurse kaspbrak:** But wait! There's more ;///)

I.... uh grabbed things I wasn't supposed to and he like... groaned?

Oh my god it was so fucking hot

So I kinda.... pulled his pants down

And he slipped his hand into my shorts and he.... he fingered me hHAHAHA

 **dr-a-a-acula:** OH MY GOD WAIT ur mom didn't hear u???

 **nurse kaspbrak:** If she did then she let it go!!!

Well I used my hands on him too and.....

He called me “baby boy” and uuuUuUGH

OH MY GOD I'M BLUSHING HAHAH

 **dr-a-a-acula:** *one single tear slides down my face*

My little boy is growing up....

Tangoing with the DEVIL

 **nurse kaspbrak:** BILL SHUT UP LMAO

 

_The **ronnie and clyde >:-) **chat_

**californian delinquent:** stan my man w the plan r u in bed

 **Cat-ley Uris:** As in sleep? Nah, insomnia lmao.

How'd it go with Sugar and Spice?

 **californian delinquent:** and everything that's fucking nice!!!

we got naughty but we didn't go all the way u know

 **Cat-ley Uris:** I'm morbidly and disgustingly curious.

 **californian delinquent:** so u know p standard at first

HE fucking initiated it for starters! don't @ me ;-)

 **Cat-ley Uris:** Hey man, I won't! Please proceed.

 **californian delinquent:** so i put my hands up his shirt n underneath his bra

he said "unhook it", i DEF won't leave him hanging

so i finger fucked him and he gave me a handjob

 **Cat-ley Uris:** Oh my god.

 **californian delinquent:** stan. my man. he was drowning me

absolutely drenched dude. he said "rrrrIIICH" and i just about lost it

he was bucking into my hand. his eyes were glazed over

 **Cat-ley Uris:** I'm still so morbidly invested in this story.

 **californian delinquent:** bro. i think i made him cum like three times

and he said "cum for me?" and he looked so sweet n innocent

n looked up at me with those pretty brown eyes. it was over for me man

 **Cat-ley Uris:** Well! That's my entertaining for today.

Eddie won't get embarrassed with you telling me this

and going into _explicitly_ graphic detail?

 **californian delinquent:** i don't think so

he's prob telling bill rn how much fun we had ;-)

 **Cat-ley Uris:** Probably not as in depth as you did, my guy.

Don't get too cocky, now.

 **californian delinquent:** hey i DID TONIGHT

 **Cat-ley Uris:** I'm officially done with you.

Go to church. Or come to synagogue with me.

 **californian delinquent:** i mean eddie was in heaven tonight heh heh

 **Cat-ley Uris:** GOODNIGHT, RICHARD

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Rich: so when can I come back over, Spaghetti Heady? ;-)


	12. 'Tis the Season

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> It's November; the holidays are finally coming up. More birthday planning + confessions + Sonia actually wants to meet Richie?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> hey guys! hope y'all are doing well!
> 
> man that french final is going to bend me over and,,, yeah i'm going to fail it// but the semester is over next week and i can pack my shit and go home!

_Sunday, 2:09 PM, after everyone changed back from their Halloween themed names :-(_

_The **rose & its' thorns** chat_

**lilo and rich:** pssst spaghetti

did u enjoy last night as much as i did

i really love swimming ;-)

 **baby boy:** Mmm I di

Wait swimming???? What

 **lilo and rich:** hahahah because i made u so we

 **baby boy:** No, no, no.

I get it now. Don't finish the thought.

 **lilo and rich:** so i see u like the baby boy thing huh?

i'll DEF jot that down

 **baby boy:** SHUT UP!!!

Also...... My mom kind of found out we're dating?

And she wants to meet you.....

Even though it's only been like, 2 months lmao

 **lilo and rich:** damn i already have to meet ur old lady??

 **baby boy:** I'm so sorry Sweetie!!!

 **lilo and rich:** its ok babe! tell her bring it on ;-)

 

 _The **kill bill and bitchy richie**_ _chat_

 **lilo and rich:** hahaha bro what the FUCK **oldlady_screenshot.jpeg**

 **big billy:** Aww! Is Big Bad Richie nervous??

 **lilo and rich:** all jokes aside loser

YES DUDE i'm scared outta my mind

what if i do something wrong. like speak

what if she doesn't like me man

 **big billy:** Knock it off John Travolta u should do fine LMAO

Mrs. Kaspbrak is a nice lady! She's just a little.... a little.... ah....

 **lilo and rich:** okay jefferson go play ur violin somewhere

see u can't even say anythin nice abt her!!

 **big billy:** THIRD TIME IN A ROW HAHAH

DO I REALLY LOOK LIKE HIM

 **lilo and rich:** it's just the hair big billy my man

 **big bill:** HAHAH BUT SRSLY KNOCK HER DEAD KID!!!

 

_The **~*Lo(s/v)er's Club*~** chat_

**kinkier boots:** STAN UR NAME

 **8 Nights of Fun:** What, you don't like it?

I decided to get festive a little early, haha.

 **kinkier boots:** DUDE LMAO

 **Chocolate Chips:** hahaha i rather like it stan

 **kinkier boots:** u like _anything_ stan does fuckboi

 **Chocolate Chips:** that's not true blake

 **christmas queen:** i'm skippin right past thanksgiving bump that

goddamn sleigh bells ring my guy

and happy fuckin hanukkah get lit

 **lilo and rich:** hey dudes i'm w the lady

 **big billy:** YAY! And somebody is getting a little sprung early huh?

I'm not going to say any names. ((Eddie))

 **christmas queen:** LMAO

 **Chocolate Chips:** DON'T EXPOSE HIM HAHA

 **baby boy:** Go fuck yourself William

 **lilo and rich:** i mean hey that's my baby boy tho

 **baby boy:** fffFFUCKK AHHH

 **8 Nights of Fun:** Oh, worm?

 

_The ***Mario and Luigi*** chat_

**Chocolate Chips:** why does he keEP ON DOING THIS TO ME

8 NIGHTS OF FUN? I'LL TAKE EVERY FUCKING NIGHT YA FEEL

 **kinkier boots:** shut ya THIRSTY ASS UP micheal

well.... i would love to knock kinkier boots w bev

 **Chocolate Chips:** UR A HYPOCRITE

 **kinkier boots:** TRU DAT TRU DAT

 

_A temporary chat until Stan's birthday, **The Stan Plan!!!**_

  **Chocolate Chips:** hey y'all!! what'd you guys want to do for stan's bday?

my angel deserves the best ;-)

 **lilo and rich:** nah dude he's a demon that clawed his way outta hell

lmao love that guy

 **big billy:** SURPRISE DINNER!! Where tho? What's his favorite restaurant??

 **lilo and rich:** mufuckin ihop

i watched that man eat like an entire stack of pancakes in like

4 mins

 **baby boy:** Let's take him to IHOP and get him presents!!!

 **christmas queen:** @rich: damn dude.... that's actually impressive

don't get him clothes eddie! lmao

 **baby boy:** There's no such thing as too many clothes!!

He needs to be warm for the winter. As do all of you. And me.

So we all don't get pneumonia.

 **kinkier boots:** isn't his bday on the 22nd

how are we gonna work around hanukkah?

 **big billy:** I think Hanukkah ends on the 19th this year!!

Right on time!!

 **christmas queen:** i hope it snows.

fuckin snowball fight!!!!

 **kinkier boots:** THAT'LL BE LIT

 

_The **Bird Book Boys** chat_

**8 Nights of Fun:** Mikey! I really enjoyed our date.

 **Chocolate Chips:** i did too!! it was so much fun

and i really liked holding ur hand......

 **8 Nights of Fun:** You're so sweet and cute.

You make my heart all light and fluffy.

 **Chocolate Chips:** hahHAHAH u do the same for me babe

like. a lot

 **8 Nights of Fun:** I can tell, especially with that camera, haha.

How much did it cost?

 **Chocolate Chips:** can't tell u!!! it didn't make me broke ;-)

 **8 Nights of Fun:** Mike... I didn't deserve this.

 **Chocolate Chips:** what? u deserve the world stan

 

_The ***Mario and Luigi*** chat_

**Chocolate Chips:** oh my god **heart-all-fluffy_screenshot.jpeg**

 **kinkier boots:** DUDE LOOK **winter-fires_screenshot.jpeg**

 **Chocolate Chips:** high 5 ben!!!!

 **kinkier boots:** high five mike!!!!

dude i've come to this realization abt bev. and i'm sure u w stan

 **Chocolate Chips:** o worm?

let's type it at the same time. cool?

 **kinkier boots:** cool. let's type it at the same time

1 2 3

 **Chocolate Chips:** i'm p sure i'm in love w him

 **kinkier boots:** i'm really think i'm in love w her

 **Chocolate Chips:** SHIT WE'RE FUCKED HOW ARE WE GONNA TELL THEM

 **kinkier boots:** gdi we're fucked. how are we gonna tell them

 **Chocolate Chips:** WHAT JINX

 **kinkier boots:** dude jinx!!!!

fuckin witch demon or some shit

jockin my thoughts

 **Chocolate Chips:** hey man u jocked m e

but no really we are DEF fucked

 **kinkier boots:** see look

we're always on the same wavelength

 

 _The **p-p-pop goes the wheezle**_ _chat_

 **big billy:** So ur mom wants to meet Rich huh???

 **baby boy:** OMG YES she's gonna scare him off!!!

And I'll be alone again.

I really like him, Bill. I really like him

 **big billy:** No Bun don't be like that!! Rich is a tough cookie

I'm sure u guys will be fine!!

 **baby boy:** Yeah, me too....

She's going to find SOMETHING she doesn't like about him

I already know it.

 **big billy:** Hey that's Ms. Sonia for u LMAO

 **baby boy:** I'm not even mad, it's true!!!

 **big billy:** Maybe his music and his clothes. U know how she is!

 **baby boy:** And the fact that he smokes

 **big billy:** Nothing too bad other than playing too much sometimes!! lmao

In the words of him, "love that guy"!

 **baby boy:** Yeah, I think he's amazing.... heheehehe

 **big billy:** Hey, Eddie... b/tween u and me

Rich said he's super nervous too

He's scared he's gonna mess something up!

 **baby boy:** AWWW my Rich? He shouldn't be intimidated...

Him being nervous makes ME feel nervous

 **big bill:** Wavelengths already syncing up??? ;-)

 **baby boy:** With all of this I've contracted bronchitis

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Bill: DO I ACTUALLY LOOK LIKE JEFFERSON


	13. A Wholeass Stack of Pancakes

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Richie did not lie when he told the Lovers that Stan. Loves. Pancakes.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> like ya boi ;-)
> 
> also,,,, stranger twins stranger twins stranger t w in s

_Saturday, 5:13 PM_

_The **~*Lo(s/v)er's Club*~** chat_

**8 Nights of Fun:** Thank you guys for the surprise party. 

But like... I didn't know. You guys are fake.

 **lilo and rich:** hahaha that's the point of a surprise party m'good man

 **christmas queen:** ILY STAN did u like the bird book???

 **8 Nights of Fun:** I did! Thank you guys!

 **kinkier boots:** ur welcome :-)

 **christmas queen:** ur welcome!

 **8 Nights of Fun:** Honestly, thank you all for the gifts.

Even Rich. Thanks for the piccolo.

 **lilo and rich:** not the dreidel?

 **8 Nights of Fun:** Not the dreidel.

 **big billy:** I've never seen somebody eat pancakes that fast in my life!

How are u not sick???

 **baby boy:** As long as you got super full!!

 **8 Nights of Fun:** Hey, man. **I love pancakes.**

 **Chocolate Chips:** hahhaha!

 **lilo and rich:** donut underestimate clyde's stomach my guy

 

_The **ronnie and clyde >:-) **chat_

**lilo and rich:** hahah so mike just passing out cams now

 **8 Nights of Fun:** YEAH. THAT HAPPENED.

WHAT DO I DO.

 **lilo and rich:** that man wants to marry u

 **8 Nights of Fun:** And then he wrote me this cute note and...

God. Now I REALLY like him.

 **lilo and rich:** hey man the idea to bone him still stands

 **8 Nights of Fun:** UUUuuuughhhHH.

Maybe I FUCKING WILL.

 

_The ***Mario and Luigi*** chat_

**kinkier boots:** so what's up with that camera u got for stan?

 **Chocolate Chips:** HEY MAN

I'M TRYING TO SHOW HIM THAT I LOVE HIM

WITHOUT HAVING TO TELL HIM

 **kinkier boots:** HOW MUCH DID THAT SHIT COST MIKE

 **Chocolate Chips:** WHO CARES HAHAHAH

**kinkier boots:** _HO W MUCH KEVIN HART_

**Chocolate Chips:** like 200 dollars.....

**kinkier boots:** _B O I WHA_

**Chocolate Chips:** BUT I'VE BEEN SAVING UP FOR IT DON'T @ ME

 **kinkier boots:** so let me get this straight

 **Chocolate Chips:** right

 **kinkier boots:** u saved up $200

 **Chocolate Chips:** right

 **kinkier boots:** to buy a camera

 **Chocolate Chips:** right

 **kinkier boots:** for stanley uris

 **Chocolate Chips:** right

 **kinkier boots:** lmaoo bro.... ur too far gone

 **Chocolate Chips:** but u would do the same thing for beverly marsh

 **kinkier boots:** right

 

_The **p-p-pop goes the wheezle** chat_

**big billy:** So the big day is coming up!!

 **baby boy:** uuUUUGHH I'M SO SCARED

 **big billy:** Hey it's okay!! After u get through it that's it!!!

 **baby boy:** That is true!!

And Rich and I won't have to sneak through windows anymore.....

HOPEFULLY

 **big billy:** Hahaha I don't think she'll HATE him!!!

 **baby boy:** Oh geez I dunno Bill

I'm trying to be optimistic tho!!!

 **big billy:** It's tomorrow though isn't it??

 **baby boy:** Wait

IT IS

FUCK

AHHAHAHHHHH NOOO

 

_The **kill bill and bitchy richie** chat_

**big billy:** Ur bf is in our pm freaking out 

**lilo and rich:** lmao is my lil spaghetti ok?

 **big billy:** Yeah! He's just worried abt the mom meeting 2morrow??

 **lilo and rich:** wait that is tomorrow

hahaha damn dude

fuck.

 **big billy:** Hey i think u'll do fine tho!!

Like I told Eddie I don't think she'll hate u!

And I don't think ur gonna screw anything up!

 **lilo and rich:** hey they don't call me trashmouth for nothin big bill

 **big billy:** Yeah Yeah Travolta but u'll do fine ;-)

Knock em dead kid!!!

 **lilo and rich:** thank u and fuck u jefferson

u know what?

 **lilo and rich** has changed the group name to ** **john travolta and thomas jefferson****

 **big billy:** HAHAHAH NO

 

_Mike and Bev's PM,_ **fire and nice**

**christmas queen:** mikey

pullin out heavy arsenal i see

 **Chocolate Chips:** hm?

oh.... the camera?

 **christmas queen:** yea ;-)

 **Chocolate Chips:** aaaAAAHHHH bev was that too much????

i don't wanna freak him out

 **christmas queen:** bro did u see how hard he was blushin at his house

he loved it!

that's a ben move tho lmao, no wonder u guys r best friends

 **Chocolate Chips:** well btween u and me

a lil birdie (pun def intended) told me that maybe he was gonna show out for ur bday as well

 **christmas queen:** wait r u srs

ur not bsing me?

mike?

MIKE

MICHAEL HANLON

 

_The **rose & its' thorns **chat_

**baby boy:** Hello Mr. Tozier

 **lilo and rich:** hello mr. tozier ;-)

 **baby boy:** hhMMM HAHAH STOP

 **lilo and rich:** god DAMMIT ur so fuckin cute

sooo don't be mad at me babe but i forgot i was sposed to meet ur old lady tomorrow

 **baby boy:** IT'S OKAY I forgot too!

Honestly I think even my mother forgot..... but!!!!

I'm going to remind her. And we're going to knock it out of the park!!!!

She'll love you!!!!

 **lilo and rich:** she'll love me!!!

 **baby boy:** And she won't have anything rude to say about you!!!

 **lilo and rich:** she won't have anything rude to say abt me!!!!

and she'll gladly accept me as her son in law!!!

 **baby boy:** HAHAH OMG RICHIE S T O P

 **lilo and rich:** why r u booing me??? i'm right!

 **baby boy:** I'M FUCKING BLUSHING

 **lilo and rich:** i hope u do at the altar too babe

 **baby boy:** YOU QUIT IT HAHAHHA

 **lilo and rich:** hahahahah ily spaaaaaaaghtetti!

 

 

 

 

 

 

 


	14. Middle Names

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Ben and Bill procrastinate a little more + Eddie and Rich survive Sonia's wrath + Bev and Mike are flustered + Stan is secretly silly.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> took my world lit final today! feeling good! 
> 
> happy hanukkah y'all!!

_Sunday, 7:13 PM_

_The **~*Lo(s/v)er's Club*~** chat_

**8 Nights of Fun:** Do you guys want to know Richie's middle name?

 **big billy:** YES??

 **christmas queen:** fuck yes

 **Chocolate Chips:** e x p o s e h i m

 **8 Nights of Fun:** It's Amadeus. LMAO

 **kinkier boots:** lmaoooooo BOI WHAT

 **Chocolate Chips:** b r o u g h

 **christmas queen:** i legit just spilled my drink everywhere

that's THE most unfortunate thing i've EVER heard

 **8 Nights of Fun:** I don't know what reminded me of that or why I think it's so funny.

But legit his parents must fucking hate him lmao!!!!

 **lilo and rich:** back off

it's a really strong middle name ok

 **kinkier boots:** L MFOA

 **christmas queen:** my guy,,,, my guy

 **big billy:** Hey it's not too bad you guys!! It fits him!!

 **baby boy:** I think it's cute!! I call him Ama sometimes <3

 **lilo and rich:** THANK U, B  I L L

that's embarrassing BABE

 **baby boy:** I'm sorry Hun!! Don't punish me for it!!

 **lilo and rich:** oh but u WANT me to punish u for it don't u baby boy

 **kinkier boots:** AHH GROSS

 

_The **ronnie and clyde >:-) **chat _

**lilo and rich:** why'd u bust me out

i'm mortally betrayed

 **8 Nights of Fun:** AMADEUS LMAOOOOOO

 **lilo and rich:** ADAMMMMM

 **8 Nights of Fun:** Adam is DEFINITELY not as bad as Amadeus.

 **lilo and rich:** ama isn't bad tho???? ur a hater

 **8 Nights of Fun:** Hm okay. Let's embarrass everybody else, too.

But before that. Kaspbrak dinner. How'd it go?

 **lilo and rich:** it went great!! she loves me ;-)

 **8 Nights of Fun:** Does she really, now?

 **lilo and rich:** well i had to play 20 questions w her but after that

it was smooth sailing!

and eds are hanging out at my place in the morning since my folks are outta town

 **8 Nights of Fun:** Okay use protection.

Don't want (or need) any Rich Juniors running around here.

 **lilo and rich:** all of that after marriage ;-)

i want embarrassment!!! stannnnnnnn!!

 **8 Nights of Fun:** Lmao! Okay, let's do it.

 

_Back in the **~*Lo(s/v)er's Club*~**_

**8 Nights of Fun:** Quick. What's everybody's middle name?

 **kinkier boots:** u first uris! case this is a trap

 **8 Nights of Fun:** Haha! Okay.

It's Adam.

 **big billy:** Really??? That's cute!!

Mine is Tyler :-)

 **christmas queen:** angelina...... ugh

 **baby boy:** Eugene!!!

 **kinkier boots:** sigh..... travis

 **Chocolate Chips:** joshua....

 **8 Nights of Fun:** Great! Now we can go back to our regularly scheduled programming.

 **christmas queen:** none of that was as bad as amadeus tho lmaooooo

 **lilo and rich:** oh FUCK U GUYS

 **big billy:** HAHAHHAHA

 

_The **john travolta and thomas jefferson** chat_

**lilo and rich:** sup tyler oakley

 **big billy:** Sup Mozart!!

 **lilo and rich:** don't make me change the group name again

 **big billy:** HAHAHA NO NO

How'd it go w Mama Kaspbrak???

 **lilo and rich:** she DEF told me i could marry her son

like that came outta the horses mouth

 **big billy:** Hahaha okay okay sure ;-)

I'm glad it went well tho, what did I tell u??

 **lilo and rich:** u gave me ur cheery ass "u'll do great!!! :-)))"

and tbh u got it big bill thanks man!

 **big billy:** UR WELCOME HANDSOME RICH <3

So riddle me this.

 **lilo and rich:** riddle me that ;-)

 **big billy:** When u and Eddie finally do **The Deed** and ur really working hard and he moans and calls u Amadeus

What r u gonna do??

 **lilo and rich:** william

william

**big billy:** _I mean have u not thought about that even once?_

**lilo and rich:** i mean..... yeah but

i think it'd actually be p hot tbh

 **big billy:** For realsies???

I'm gonna tell him

 **lilo and rich:** go right on ahead!!

i'll tell him u asked abt it in the first place

 **big billy:** WAIT OKAY NOOOO HAHAHA

 **lilo and rich:** that's what i THOUGHT

 

_Eddie and Mike's PM, **♡ Soft Boy Squad ♡ **_

** baby boy:  ** Get your boyfriend!!!!  


** Chocolate Chips: ** WHOMST?

oh ur talkin abt stanley uris? damn i wish T0T"

**baby boy:** You'll get him!!!! I think he likes you!!!

I mean..... well, okay I know HAHAH

** Chocolate Chips: ** WAIT **WHAT**

**baby boy:** I do date his best friend after all Mikey ;-)  


I'm not going to leave you in the dark about it!!!

** Chocolate Chips: ** HE ACTUALLY???

** baby boy: ** I WAS SUPPOSED TO KEEP MY BIG MOUTH SHUT

BUT I CAN'T HOLD WATER IDEK WHY RICHIE TOLD ME

**Chocolate Chips:** oh my god.... eddie it's actually true

 **baby boy:** YESS HAHAH I've been wanting to tell you for ages now!!!

Whoops hehehe **i-like-him_screenshot5.jpeg**

**Chocolate Chips:**

**Chocolate Chips:** **_fffffFFFUUFUUUUUCCKKK YEAH  
_ **

**baby boy:** YOU DIDN'T HEAR IT FROM ME HAHAHAH _**♡**_  


**Chocolate Chips:** ILY EDDIE  


speakin of his best friend tho u really wanna smash don't u haha

** baby boy: ** ILY TOO MIKE OM

Smash?? 

**Chocolate Chips:** yeah!!! like.... get jiggy ;-)

** baby boy: ** OHHHH AOLGUOFJELFHI NO COMM

_ YES _

** Chocolate Chips: ** HA HAH FOLFKSFLAJLA//

** baby boy: ** HE JUST MAKES ME SO..... UGH!!!!

I WANNA RIDE HIM SO BADLY JUST?? IS THAT BAD??

I CAN'T TELL BILL I'D NEVER HEAR THE END OF IT

**Chocolate Chips:** nah it's not bad!! trust me i know he wants it too

because he's told me ;-)

** baby boy: ** mmmMMMM NOOOO HAHAHAHA 

THAT'S NOT GOOD

** Chocolate Chips: ** WHAT'S STOPPIN YALL ;-)

i'm a bad influence i say do it!! and i'll uh *cough*

fantasize abt stan cough

**baby boy:** Ohhh about that another thing!! 

Stan's a submissive Richie says but AGAIN _I SAID NOTHING_

**Chocolate Chips:** wait WHAT ALJOLFSOIFJOILFJILFL

 

_ The **Cowboy and the Lone Ranger** chat _

** kinkier boots:  ** never b4 has my name matched the group name so well  


** big bill: ** OHHH YEAH bc of kinky boots!!!

Oh OH I'M SUPER NOSY TODAY SORRY BEN

SO U AND BEV??? IS IT JUST??? 

** kinkier boots: ** I'M LOVE HER......

** big bill: ** OMG B E N U HAVE TO ASK HER OUT

** kinkier boots: ** NAH MAN I CAN'T 

**big bill:** _U gotta_

** kinkier boots:  ** have u asked audra out yet  


** big bill: ** NO 

** kinkier boots: ** k then HYPOCRITE

** big bill: ** U RIGHT AHHAHAH

** kinkier boots: ** okay so me and mike made this fucking bet right 

that i lost may i add 

whoever had asked bev/stan on a date first won 

** big bill: ** Right!!

**kinkier boots:** we should do the same thing

whoever doesn't ask their lady out first has to do a favor for the other

** big bill: ** Anything??

Because I would REALLY like for somebody to fix the gears on Silver!

**kinkier boots:** ed loves that type of shit i fucking hate the noise

 **big bill:** Well get used to it because ur gonna lose <3

 **kinkier boots:** fuck u and ur hearts denbrough

fuck u and ur hearts

 

_ The **rose & its' thorns **chat _

** lilo and rich:  ** u ready to hang out w me tomorrow babe?  


all alone?

** baby boy:  ** I've never been ready for anything more in my life  


I can't wait!!

** lilo and rich: ** hahaha  i don't think ur ready for all this lil boy

**baby boy:** Hey I'm a little boy but I can take it all hehehe

 **lilo and rich:** mmmm! naughty naughty eugene ;-)

** baby boy: ** Of course.... Amadeus <3

Bill told me what you said... would me moaning it be hot for you?

**lilo and rich:** gdi i'll deal w him later

but i'm not gonna lie 

i mean hell yeah i would rail the shit outta u if u did it

**baby boy:** Mmmm really?

Well, Rich

I've been thinking about this for a while. I want it nice and hard

You don't make me moan it. Make me scream it

**lilo and rich:** d 

**baby boy:** Mmmm now I'm all wet Daddy

I wish you were here rn

so you could put your hand in my pants and feel for yourself

**lilo and rich:** damn eddie

 

_ The **ronnie and clyde >:-) **chat _

** lilo and rich:  ** i can never sit comfortable again man  


**8 Nights of Fun:** ??? Please elaborate.

** lilo and rich: ** fucking EDDIE, man

i was just teasin him bc we're hanging out tomorrow 

and he sent me these dirty ass sexts and dude i'm just shook

**8 Nights of Fun:** Eddie is not as sweet and innocent as people think.

Neither are like, Bill and Mike.

I thought you knew that. Lmao

**lilo and rich:** i'm know u know abt mike ;-)

 **8 Nights of Fun:** Now you know how it feels to be ignored.

 **lilo and rich:** hahahah just fuck dude

he called me daddy i

i'm speechless scoob

** 8 Nights of Fun: ** Get rekt, Shaggy.

 

_ The **birds and flowers** chat _

** 8 Nights of Fun: Stupid-Richie_screenshot2.jpeg  ** You rendered him speechless.  


** baby boy: ** LFJFLLFJLFKF HE STARTED IT 

**8 Nights of Fun:** Very true! 

But "Daddy" though? Bitch. Fuck it UP!!

** baby boy: ** Bitch YOU KNOW IT AYYYYEEEEE _**♡**_

** 8 Nights of Fun: ** AYYYYEEE!!!!

 

_ A new PM, Bev >>> Stan _

** christmas queen:  ** BIRDBOI URIS  


**8 Nights of Fun:** Yes, Your Majesty?

 **christmas queen:** the other dudes could learn a thing or 2 from u

i mean

look at that motherfuckin RESPECT

**christmas queen** has changed the group name to **the royal fucking family**

** christmas queen:  ** ur the motherfuckin prince  


of DARKNESS

** 8 Nights of Fun: ** AYE!

** christmas queen: ** AYEEEE! 

but what's all this tomfoolery abt ben?? do u know??

mike said that ben was gonna show out for my bday??

**8 Nights of Fun:** Oh, yeah! Mike has said something about it in passing.

Ben wants to get you a ring or something.

Well? I'm not sure. Mike said that Ben was still deciding. But as far as he knew it was a ring.

**christmas queen:** a????? ring????? 

awww he wants my hand in marriage how sweet

**8 Nights of Fun:** Goddamn it's like I'm talking to Richie. 

I never realized how much you guys act alike?

**christmas queen:** i don't act like that SPINY FUCK 

he acts like ME

**8 Nights of Fun:** Haha! My apologizes, Madame. 

** christmas queen: ** ily stan <3

**8 Nights of Fun:** I love you too, Pumpkin Pie.

But the ring? Why a ring? Yeah, I dunno.

Maybe like a promise ring?

**christmas queen:** aint promise rings smthn guys give their gfs

 **8 Nights of Fun:** Yes.

** christmas queen: ** wait.

so that means 

**8 Nights of Fun:** ;-)!

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> (complete silence)  
> Stan: Amadeus lmaooooooooo


	15. Daft Punk

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> We up all night to get lucky.  
> Ben and Bill get bold + Rich and Eds get frisky + Stan and Mike get mushy + Bev gets shook (but of course, in a good way!)

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> so now that the semester's over i have all the free time in the world get lit  
> i can update here tonight and stranger twins tomorrow?? i'm scream

_Monday, 2:02 PM_

_The **~*Lo(s/v)er's Club*~** chat_

**8 Nights of Fun**  has changed their name to  **Flat Stanley**

 **kinkier boots:** no more 8 nights of fun huh?

 **Flat Stanley:** Yeahhhh I'm really sad because Hanukkah's over.

 **Chocolate Chips:** did u have fun at least?

 **Flat Stanley:** Yeah!

I hope Christmas is just as fun for you guys.

 **christmas queen:** THNX PRINCE OF DARKNESS

 **Flat Stanley:** Of course, your Majesty.

 **kinkier boots:** lmao prince of darkness????

 **Chocolate Chips:** its bc of his cute curly lil dark hair

 **Flat Stanley:** You spoil me too much, Mikey.

 **kinkier boots:** ya or bc he's EVIL

 **Chocolate Chips:** CUTE evil

 **christmas queen:** where r those other 2 weebs that we call our friends

and i have my bird boy. where's my flower boy

 **Flat Stanley:** Eddie and Richie found out what sex was and are probably screwing like rabbits rn.

Love you Bev!

 **kinkier boots:** AGH GROSS

 **Chocolate Chips:** and ed is bill's alarm clock so w rich hogging him

bill is probs still sleep

 **christmas queen:** this looks like a job for ya bitch! hold on

 **Flat Stanley:** Haha! I'm going to see if I can pester Richie.

I'll be right back as well.

 

_The **redheaded stepchildren** chat_

**christmas queen:** bill

bill

bill denbrough

wake up

 **big billy:** dont talk to me unless u asked her out yet hanscom

 **christmas queen:**?????????

 **big billy:** fuck did i lose the bet

i need to get my fuckin bike fixed

 **christmas queen:** haha is this bill or rich

 **big billy:** speakin of tozier he's a bastard i hate sleepin this late

usually bun texts e to wake me up

lemme wka e up all the way n get back to u

 **christmas queen:** okay???? i??? haha k ily bill

 **big billy:** gay

 

_The **ronnie and clyde >:-) **chat _

**Flat Stanley:** Richard, sweetheart. Are you dead?

 **lilo and rich:** yeah n i went to heaven!!!!

look at him dude **sleepin-beauty_screenshot.jpeg**

 **Flat Stanley:** Awww. Is that your shirt?

 **lilo and rich:** u kno it is my guy!

we had a lot of fun ;-)

 **Flat Stanley:** I assumed! Lmao

 **lilo and rich:** speakin of that

when r u gonna turn mike into glue?

 **Flat Stanley:** Soon. Very soon.

 **lilo and rich:** that's my boy!!!!

fucks it up stansy >:-)

 **Flat Stanley:** Hopefully I make you proud. ;-)

 

_Back in the main chat:_

**Flat Stanley:** Update: Rich is awake, but Eddie is not.

 **kinkier boots:** i wouldn't be either after gettin smashed!

 **Flat Stanley:** Lucky bastards.

 **Chocolate Chips:** i mean stan we could always

nvm i forget what i was gonna say

 **christmas queen:** bill is half awake but????

the convo was so weird lmao ben he thought i was u

 **kinkier boots:** what a loser lma

wait

 

_The ***Mario and Luigi*** chat_

**Chocolate Chips:** "wait" ben i'm crying lmaooooooo

 **kinkier boots:** NOOOOOOOOO!!!!!!

but u deadass were abt to tell stan that u wanted to smash. good job!

how do u feel?

 **Chocolate Chips:** he prob already knows!!!!

apparently he's a sub just. like a submissive

just......... mmMMMmMMMMM.

 **kinkier boots:** wait i thought he was vers?

 **Chocolate Chips:** WAIT U KNEW

 **kinkier boots:** have u ever talked to stan before

 **Chocolate Chips:** have u even asked bev out yet?

 **kinkier boots:** touche hanlon. touche

speakin of that

me n denbrough have a bet so

 **Chocolate Chips:** so u gone lose to him too?

 **kinkier boots:** touche hanlon. TOUCHE

matter of fact

i'm askin her on a date TODAY

 **Chocolate Chips:** dude give me updates!!!

if u actually do it LMAO

 **kinkier boots:** WATCH

 

_The **fire and nice** chat_

**christmas queen:** so u..... forgot... what u were abt to say?

 **Chocolate Chips:** STFU BEV

i mean if stan wants to get laid i am always willing AND able to help him

but aNYWAYS thought i should drop this here! **watch_screenshot4.jpeg**

 **christmas queen:**!!!!!! **did-i-lose_sreenshot5.jpeg**

so THAT'S what this is abt

 **Chocolate Chips:** hMMMM!!!!

 **christmas queen:** HM!!!!!

i knew smthn fishy was up. with the both of them

 **Chocolate Chips:** let's see if he actually does it!

 **christmas queen:** tbh i hope!

he already told me he really likes me and i hope that didn't go away

well ig it didn’t 

but...... anyways thnx mikey bear ;-*** <3

 **Chocolate Chips:** ur welcome ur majesty!

 **christmas queen:** stan's sayings really grow on u don't they???

 **Chocolate Chips:** shit he makes a LOTTA things grow on me

 **christmas queen:** NASTY ASS

 **Chocolate Chips:** AKLFLFLFLFLFLKFJLSKFHO//

 

_The **p-p-pop goes the wheezle** chat_

**big billy:** EDDIE.... are u awake?

 **♡ freckles ♡: **Yeah!!!! I just woke up from a nap I'm p sore

but that. That was sO FUCKING WORTH IT

 **big billy:** AGHHHHH I'M GONNA CALL U LATER

AND WE CAN CHAT ABT IT OK???

 **♡ freckles ♡: **OKAY!!!!!

Wait are you just now waking up???

 **big billy:** Yes bc SOMEBODY doesn't care abt me anymore!!

Not saying any names ((YOU!!!!!!))

 **♡ freckles ♡:** HAHAHAH I'M SORRY TUT!!!! ILY!!! //

 **big billy:** ILY 2 I'M JUST GLAD U HAD """"FUN"""" ;-)

and he treated my precious cargo like he was UPS

 **♡ freckles ♡: **So him being rough with me lmao????

JUST MY STYLE!!!!!

 **big billy:** HAHAHA SHUT UP

 **♡ freckles ♡:** LAFJKLFJFKJF HOW ARE YOU THO BABE???

 **big billy:** I'm Gucci!! **♡♡**

I talked to somebody in a PM earlier and I don't.... even remember who it was lmao

I think it was Ben??

 **♡ freckles ♡:** You don't remember?? Lmao you should PM him again!!

 **big billy:** I think I will now!!!

 **♡ freckles ♡:** OH ALSO how did your and Audra's date go???

 **big billy:** SUPER NICE I'M GONNA ASK HER TO BE MY GF TODAY!!!

 **♡ freckles ♡: **OH MY GOD BILLY KNOCK HER DEAD!!!!

 **big billy:** I'M GONNA TRY!!! And put some.... ICE ON THAT?? HAHAHA

 **♡ freckles ♡:** KFIKFHKIFRIUWEIFGKED///

 

_The **Cowboy and the Lone Ranger** chat_

**big billy:** BENJAMIN

Please disregard any stupid shit I said to u earlier!!!

 **kinkier boots:** oh god dude u.... we didn't even talk earlier

 **big billy:**???? Then who was I

 **kinkier boots:** bev LMAOOO

 **big billy:** Oh god.... what did I even say to her

Okay hold on

HAHAHHAHA **DontTalkToMe_screenshot.jpeg**

 **kinkier boots:** bill what the fuck?????? _  
_

**big billy:** I'M SORRY I DON'T EVEN REMEMBER TALKING TO HER ASDFJKL;L

 **kinkier boots:** god ed and mike w that keysmashin shit now u

fix it denbrough. plz

 **big billy:** I'll apologize!!! I never want to be that rude to a lady!!!

 **kinkier boots:** U WERE FINE WHEN U THOUGHT IT WAS M E

 **big billy:** UR NOT A LADY

 **kinkier boots:** but she's bev tho???

 **big billy:** BEV IS A LADY

 **kinkier boots:** that's tru. ur more in tuned w this type of stuff.

ig that's why bev likes u more

 **big billy:** NO don't be that way :,-(

We should both PM her! And you should TOTALLY not even bring up the fact that u wanna ask her out.

No ulterior motive or anything.

**kinkier boots:**

**kinkier boots:** yeah ur not winnin that bet

 **big billy:** Hey I TRIED!!

 

_The **redheaded stepchildren** chat_

**big billy:** BEVERLY

 **christmas queen:** BILLY

welcome back lmaooo

 **big billy:** I am SO sorry.

There's a reason I don't chat u guys first thing in the morning!!

Because of stuff like that. How embarrassing

 **christmas queen:** ur fine babe

i thought it was hilarious tbh **crying laughing**

 **big billy:** Well as long as ur not mad at me!!!!

 **christmas queen:** i could never be mad at u tommy

 **big billy:** JEFFERSON STRIKES AGAIN

 **christmas queen:** i'm molly ringwald!

 **big billy:** HAHAH LOVE U BEV

 **christmas queen:** ily 2 u big nerd <33

so do u think ben is actually goin to ask me out

 **big billy:** I think so!! He said he was going to PM u??

 **christmas queen:** u always have the best premonition

speak of the devil

 

_The **shark boy and lava girl** chat_

**kinkier boots:** bev

 **christmas queen:** ben?

 **kinkier boots:** i just wanted to say that firstly if u saw those screens

i'm not just doin this for a bet i just

like i said i really like u so...... this is for real

 **christmas queen:** hahaha ur so cute <3

i knew that's not what u meant. u wouldn't do smthn like that, ur too sweet

are u askin me on a date?

 **kinkier boots:** well we can do a lot of those from what i'm askin

do u want to....... be my gf?

 **christmas queen:** wow really?

hell ye

i was thinking that u weren't gonna ask..... ben i'm blushing

this is so sweet. and cute. i know i've got a richie personality

but i'm a romantic at heart

 **kinkier boots:** REALLY??????????

and u act NOTHING like richie. similiar senses of humor, but

ur like...... i don't know

do u want to go on a date???? i know u asked abt it just now

 **christmas queen:** can we go on one? if u don't mind,,,,

 **kinkier boots:** hahah ofc u don't need to ask for my permission!!!

 **christmas queen:** i'm sorry! i'm not used to this!

i just......

how do i lady

 **kinkier boots:** u lady just fine enough to me

 

_The ***Mario and Luigi*** chat_

**kinkier boots:** I ASKED HER MOTHERFUCKER

she said yes!!!!

 **Chocolate Chips:** high 5 ben!!!!!

see that wasn't so hard!!!

 **kinkier boots:** it really wasn't!! i just kept on psychin myself out ig!!

bill is gonna eat it

 **Chocolate Chips:** yeah but what if he already asked audra tho

way before u asked bev

which means u would STILL have to fix his bike

 **kinkier:** noo FUCK

 

_The **Bird Book Boys** chat_

**Chocolate Chips:** stanleyyyyyy

st a nle y

 **Flat Stanley:** Micheeeeeeeealll?

 **Chocolate Chips:** hahah ur the cutest thing

so uhhhhhhh i got a stupid question

 **Flat Stanley:** I'm p sure it's not stupid, coming from you.

What is it?

 **Chocolate Chips:** well i was gonna go to the art museum in bangor

did u wanna like

come w me?

like another date?

 **Flat Stanley:** Oh yeah? What's in it for me?

 **Chocolate Chips:** hey! transportation, good art, free food....

 **Flat Stanley:** Cuddles? Kisses?

Can I get some of those?

 **Chocolate Chips:** u can get ALL of those

and arm links and hand holding. IF u like

 **Flat Stanley:** I would like that. I would like to hold your hand more

And to link arms with you. Can I put my head on your shoulder?

 **Chocolate Chips:** YES

and hey we can go to the park after and look at birds???

 **Flat Stanley:** Now you're trying to pander to me haha!

 **Chocolate Chips:** hahaha maybe??? anythin that'll wanna make u come

 **Flat Stanley:** You don't have to try very hard for that, sweetie. ;-)

 **Chocolate Chips:** okay!!!!

 **Flat Stanley:** You're so cute, Mikey. I could just eat you up.

 **Chocolate Chips:** aaaahhahHA

 

_The **royal fuckin family** chat_

**christmas queen:** so guess who just got asked out??

ya girl!!

 **Flat Stanley:** Oh, yay!! I've been waiting for Ben to ask you. I'm so happy for the both of you!

Mike asked me on another date as well.

I'm kinda feeling myself.

 **christmas queen:** thnx princey!!!

and BITCH!!!!!! KILL IT!!!!!

esp since he REALLY LIKES U **shut-up-bev_screenshot.jpeg**

 **Flat Stanley:** Hahaha.... he wants to have sex with me?

 **christmas queen:** LOTS of sex my guy

 **Flat Stanley:** That makes me feel really ting

I'm super glad that you and Ben are dating now. I've been shipping you from the jump.

 **christmas queen:** u can't just skip over what u were bout to say!!!!

 **Flat Stanley:** I can, and I will!

 **christmas queen:** boys n their nonsense.

but i was shippin u and richie!!

when i first met u guys i thought u were dating LMAO

 **Flat Stanley:** Definitely no comment.

 **christmas queen:** i see dudes of color r ur style ;-)

 **Flat Stanley:** *waggles finger* No vanilla.

 **christmas queen:** pppSCHH ILY STAN

 **Flat Stanley:** Haha I love you, too!

 

_The **ronnie and clyde >:-) **chat_

**Flat Stanley:** So, Michael just asked me on another date.

 **lilo and rich:** AYEEEEE!!!!!!

where y'all goin?

 **Flat Stanley:** The art in museum, in Bangor.

I'm so excited. I'm swooning again.

 **lilo and rich:** awwww stan ur so cute!

 **Flat Stanley:** No I'm not.

Is your boyfriend awake? I have to tell him something really quick.

 **lilo and rich:** yeah he is but i'll relay the message ;-)

 **Flat Stanley:** No, sir. I'll PM him.

PLEASE don't read over his shoulder... I'm embarrassing.

 **lilo and rich:** awww stansy! i def won't!

((fingers crossed))

 **Flat Stanley:** You're insufferable.

 **lilo and rich:** u love me!!

 **Flat Stanley:** I _do_ love you.

 

_The **birds and flowers** chat_

**Flat Stanley:** EDDIE. MICHAEL. UGUUUGHH.

 **♡ freckles ♡:** Rich told me he asked you on another date!!!!!!

 **Flat Stanley:** Girl I'm so excited for it. I mean, have you seen him?

 **♡ freckles ♡:** Girl yes!!! And he's a sweetie!!!!

 **Flat Stanley:** God I want him to wrap his hands around my FUCKING THROAT.

I'M SUCH A HOE.

 **♡ freckles ♡:** BITCH!!!!!!!

 **♡ freckles ♡ **has changed the group name to ** **two fun bitches** **

 **Flat Stanley:** I'M CRYING.

BUT IT'S ACCURATE, THOUGH.

 **♡ freckles ♡:** Girl yes and you better own it!!!

Show him who's the boss around here!!!

 **Flat Stanley:** Well... HE IS LMAO

 **♡ freckles ♡: **bITCH AHOFLFIOFLKSFJK!!!

 **Flat Stanley:** HAHAHAHA

 

_A new PM, Ben >>> Stan_

**kinkier boots** has changed the group name to **boots and sensei stan**

 **kinkier boots:** i bow to u sensei

 **Flat Stanley:** Haha! Ah, Ben. I don't deserve that.

 **kinkier boots:** u deserve to be bestowed great honor and prestige

hahaha all jokes aside we gotta stick together!

 **Flat Stanley:** Are the others conspiring to kill us?

Damn Tozier. Thought I could trust him.

 **kinkier boots:** stan has anybody told u that ur actually really funny

 **Flat Stanley:** As funny as a fifteen year old can be, haha. But thank you!

Sticking together, though? Haha

 **kinkier boots:** oh yeah! bc

1) we're the two funniest guys in the group

2) the only words outta mike's mouth are sTAN STAN STAN

3) the only words outta MY mouth are bEV BEV BEV

 **Flat Stanley:** I think #1 ESPECIALLY rings true.

Speaking of that. Bev told me that you asked her out.

Congrats, my guy!

 **kinkier boots:** NOOO tozier is infecting everyone

but thanks man!!!!

 **Flat Stanley:** You are most certainly welcome. :-)

 **kinkier boots:** i was just.... u bev and eddie all seem really close and......

i was wonderin if u could help me w this whole dating her thing and in turn

i can help u w mike??

 **Flat Stanley:** Yeah, that's awesome! I'm so awkward around Mike, lmao

I'm not used to dudes liking me. And I'm NOT good around dudes I like.

So this is... weird.

 **kinkier boots:** I FEEL U THO

I'M AWKWARD AS HELL. i don't have a good track rec w the ladies

well chicks r all over me now??? but that's since i lost weight :,-(

 **Flat Stanley:** But you looked just fine before as well.

Also... Can I ask you a really weird question?

 **kinkier boots:** shoot!

 **Flat Stanley:**...Does Mike ever talk about wanting to have sex with me?

 **kinkier boots:** oh! yeah

he literally just talked abt that like an hr ago

 **Flat Stanley:** Oh

Well

 

_The **a writer needs an actress** chat_

 

 **A. Phillips Hamilton:** bill!!

i had really fun on our date the other day; i know i told you that already but i just wanted to tell you again!

 **big billy:** Thanks, sweetie!!! I really did, too!!!

That reminds me! May I ask you a question??

 **A. Phillips Hamilton:** of course! can i ask you one, too???

 **big billy:** Of course! Ladies first!!

 **A. Phillips Hamilton:** well my parents are going out of town and i get really lonely at home by myself...

did you want to come over tomorrow? or i can come over to your house or something?

or we can go out? if you're uncomfortable with that? go and watch another matinee?

 **big billy:** Aww Audra--none of that bothers me, anyway!!

We can go to your house or mine?? Yours'? That way, you don't even have to leave! :-)

 **A. Phillips Hamilton:** you're so sweet. <3333

 **big billy:** Thank you, Princess. <//3

That kind of leads into the question I was going to ask you!!

This is sudden and awkward and random but...

I was wondering. Okay. Well. I had such a good time with you at the matinee. I ALWAYS have fun with you.

And I want to have fun with you all the time! So I was wondering.... did you want to be my girlfriend?

 **A. Phillips Hamilton:** i don't think that's sudden or awkward at all.

so i'm so happy that i get to hang out with my boyfriend tomorrow, i love having fun with and being around him. <3333

 **big billy:** OH YAY :///)

Hey, Audra?

I still adore you.

 **A. Phillips Hamilton:**!!!!! i still adore YOU.

 

 

_The **Cowboy and the Lone Ranger** chat_

**kinkier boots:** FORK UP THAT FAVOR DENBROUGH **hell-ye_screenshot.jpeg**

 **big billy:** N O **I-still-adore-you_screenshot2.jpeg**

 **kinkier boots:** FUCK who asked first

that's the only way we'll know who TRULY won

 **big billy:** Wait!! Look at the screenshots

Like the timestamps.

We both asked at 3:28

What bullshit lmao!!!!!

 **kinkier boots:** wait r u fuckin serious

so neither of us won

 **big billy:** WHAT ARE THE ODDS!!!! HAHAHA

I REALLY WANTED MY BIKE FIXED GODDAMIT

 **kinkier boots:** that's some B S

well it's a draw then

what do we do now?

 **big billy:** I guess we both have to do a favor for the other now???

What did u have in mind???

 **kinkier boots:** mowing my backyard for me on saturday

 **big billy:** Ugh NO ur guys' lawn is fucking huge x-(

 **kinkier boots:** get rekt scrub

what did u have in mind?

 **big** **billy:** It's obvious, silly.

Fixing my bike!!

 **kinkier boots:** ugh

FUCK

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 


	16. Sleigh Bells

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Everybody is happy this holiday season!

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> bill. ben. mike. richie. how are you ALL going to be sweethearts
> 
> i hope everybody had a great christmas + great holidays!! <3

_Christmas Day,_ _12:01 AM_

_The **~*Lo(s/v)er's Club*~** chat_

**Flat Stanley:** Hey. Merry Christmas, you guys! ♡

 **lilo and rich:** thnx baby boy!

that reminds me

 **lilo and rich** has changed their name to **ho ho ho-zier**

 **ho ho ho-zier:** eh eh?

 **Flat Stanley:** Awful.

Festive, but awful.

I got you.

 **Flat Stanley** has changed their name to **Prince of Darkness**

 **christmas queen:** MERRY XMAS NERDS **234980482403 different Christmas themed emojis**

AND MY PRINCE AYEEEEEE

 **Prince of Darkness:** AYEEEEE

 **big billy** has changed their name to **sleigh bills**

 **sleigh bills:** MATCHING CHRISTMAS NAMES

THANK U, STANNY BEAR <3

 **christmas queen:** beat u guys to the punch

 **kinkier boots:** merry xmas y'all i got u!

 **kinkier boots** has changed their name to **jingle boots**

 **jingle boots:** damn rich u takin them to church

 **ho ho ho-zier:** u _know_ i had to do it to em

 **Chocolate Chips:** i'm trying to come up w a xmas name gimme a sec

 **♡ freckles ♡ : **Oh I've got one!!

 **♡ freckles ♡ ** has changed their name to **eddie the red nosed trans kid**  


**eddie the red nosed trans kid:** Cause I'm always sick!!!  


**ho ho ho-zier:** omg cute cute CUTE spaghetti

 **eddie the red nosed trans kid:** Thanks baby!!!

 **Chocolate Chips** has changed their name to **Christmas Carole Danner**

**Christmas Carole Danner:** nailed it?  


**jingle boots:** lmao carole will get a kick outta that

 **Prince of Darkness:** Who's Carole?

 **sleigh bills:** His coworker at the library!

 **Christmas Carole Danner:** i asked her to help me come up w somethin punny

and she came up w that lmao

**Prince of Darkness:** She gave you a pun off her own name?

That's conceited. 

** Christmas Carole Danner: ** u right!

 ** christmas queen: ** lowkey!

 

_ The **ronnie and clyde >:-) **chat _

** ho ho ho-zier:  ** pffft that's conceited  


**Prince of Darkness:** I know what I said.

 **ho ho ho-zier:** somebody's jealoooooouuuuussss

 **Prince of Darkness:** High key.

How are you just going to do that? Back the fuck OFF.

He's MINE.

** ho ho ho-zier: ** what if they were just goofin off stansy

 **Prince of Darkness:** Sigh. You're right. 

I just have really bad jealousy issues.

**ho ho ho-zier:** awww why boo?

 **Prince of Darkness:** I dunno... just insecurities.

Like. What if he likes her more than me

**ho ho ho-zier:** i don't think anybody can top u in his eyes lmfao

maybe if u talk to him u'll feel better?

**Prince of Darkness:** You're right. I'll try.

 

_The **trashmouth & kinky boots **chat_

**ho ho ho-zier:** jingle boots jingle boots

jingle all the boots

 **jingle boots:** did u literally pm me just to sing lmao

 **ho ho ho-zier:** oh what fun it is to boot

on a one horse open boot

 **jingle boots:** wait are those the actual lyrics?

 **ho ho ho-zier:** um???? i think so my guy

but nah! stan is upsetti

 **jingle boots:** why?

 **ho ho ho-zier:** he wants to fight carole and he hasn't even ever met the bitch lmao

girl** she's not a bitch

i don't know her life

she MAY be a bitch but how could i be so sure

 **jingle boots:** ohhhh! i think she has a lil thing for mike

 **ho ho ho-zier:** is she black?

 **jingle boots:** nah not that many black ppl live in derry why

 **ho ho ho-zier:** oh cause i was gonna say

i see why stan is jelly then

98.3% of the black girls i've ever met are really pretty

 **jingle boots:** hahah tru. girls are just pretty as a whole

i think carole is pretty but mike's heart is somewhere else

 **ho ho ho-zier:** with me?

 **jingle boots:** w stan dumbass lmao

 **ho ho ho-zier:** i'm sorry to break his heart. i'm off the market

but yeah i told him that!

 

_The **p-p-pop goes the wheezle** chat_

**eddie the red nosed trans kid:** BILL when do you go on your second date with Audra???

 **sleigh bills:** 2MORROW WISH ME LUCK

 **eddie the red nosed trans kid:** GOOD LUCK AAAAA

 **sleigh bills:** Oh also I liked the shirts u got me!!!

 **eddie the red nosed trans kid:** YAY you look great in plaid so!!!

The necklace is so pretty THANK YOU ILY

 **sleigh bills:** UR WELCOME BUN BUN

What did Rich get u???

 **eddie the red nosed trans kid:** LFOJSOIFEOIHF he got us matching rings ♡♡♡

** sleigh bills: ** AWWW CUTE 

I got Audra a necklace too!! w her birthstone in it she likes it she says!

**eddie the red nosed trans kid:** I can see why!! Bc mine was really pretty!!

Also Rich is so sweet and I just needed to tell somebody.

He just. When he's not goofing off he looks at me like I'm the whole world.

** sleigh bills: ** Awww Eddie!! 

But yes I've noticed!!

**eddie the red nosed trans kid:** And he's so supportive. And patient. And

I dunno. I think.... I think I'm falling in love with him

** sleigh bills: ** EDDIE!!!!! E D D I E 

** eddie the red nosed trans kid: ** LAFJIDFIFHOIFLF///

**sleigh bills:** A concept: u telling Rich and him saying that he loves u back

 **eddie the red nosed trans kid:** I'm about to pass out

 

 

 **christmas queen** has started a new chat 

**christmas queen** has added **Prince of Darkness** to the chat

 **christmas queen** has added **eddie the red nosed trans kid** to the chat

 **christmas queen:** MY BESTIES

three bad bitches B-)

 **Prince of Darkness:** AYYYYEEE

How come we've never done this sooner?

 **eddie the red nosed trans kid:** MY TWO BITCHES!!! HOLD ON

 **eddie the red nosed trans kid** has changed the group name to **the powerpuff hoes**

 **Prince of Darkness:** It's so cute! I love it!

Who is who, though?

Can I be Buttercup?

 **christmas queen:** YES

i'm blossom and eddie is bubbles!!!!

 **eddie the red nosed trans kid:** Stan you were already Buttercup!!

Sorry I don't make the rules ♡

** christmas queen: ** after xmas WE SHOULD ALL CHANGE OUR NAMES

**Prince of Darkness:** Yes!

** eddie the red nosed trans kid: ** YES

**Prince of Darkess:** Thank god. Now we can gossip 

IN PEACE.

** eddie the red nosed trans kid: ** AMEN TO THAT!

I love Bill _to death_ but sometimes I get embarrassed telling him certain things!

With you guys, I can just tell you!!! 

**Prince of Darkness:** And you **already** know I feel the same about Richie!

 **christmas queen:** my two boys..... i'm love u......

** eddie the red nosed trans kid: ** ILY 2!!!!!

**Prince of Darkness:** I love you, too! 

**christmas queen:** speakin of which GUYS HELP ME 

I STILL DUNNO WHAT BEN IS GETTIN ME FOR MY BDAY 

**eddie the red nosed trans kid:** Hmm wasn't it something like a ring??

 **christmas queen:** stan is that still it???? like has mike told u anything new??

 **Prince of Darkness:** Well, last I heard from Mikey is that Ben is getting you the ring plus more stuff.

 **christmas queen:** he doesn't think the ring will be enough???

 **Prince of Darkness:** No, ma'am. ;-)

** eddie the red nosed trans kid: ** THAT'S SO CUTE!! 

Ben told Bill that he was getting you a pair of boots!!

** christmas queen:  ** damn boots too????  


the man knows the way to my heart

** Prince of Darkness: ** Apparently, that's not all! I wonder what else, though.

**christmas queen:** we got 2 weeks to figure out boys!

or should we keep it a surprise?

**eddie the red nosed trans kid:** Surprises are always fun you guys!!! ;-)

 **Prince of Darkness:** Haha! Well, that's true.

 **christmas queen:** that's true......

BUT I HATE SURPRISES

UUuuuUUUhhJJGH

** eddie the red nosed trans kid: ** HAHAHHA

**Prince of Darkness:** Hey, guys... I know this is random, but I'm really annoyed at that Carole bitch.

Sigh. She's not a bitch. Well, she may be. How tf could I know for sure.

**eddie the red nosed trans kid:** Oh bc of Mike's name??

 **Prince of Darkness:** Yeah...

 **christmas queen:** tht sounds like smthn a girl would say if she liked him

 **Prince of Darkness:** That's what I was thinking, too. 

**eddie the red nosed trans kid:** Idk like you said it seems kind of egotistic of her to do that...

But that's coming from one Jealous Bitch to another!!!

** Prince of Darkness: ** I THOUGHT SO TOO. 

**christmas queen:** i ' l l k i l l h e r 

no but srsly u should pm ya mans and chat w him maybe that'll make u feel better

u know he's crazy for u!

**Prince of Darkness:** That's what Richie said, too. 

Okay, wish me luck!

** eddie the red nosed trans kid: ** KNOCK HIM DEAD BIRDIE <3

**christmas queen:** u got it my man!!

 

_ The **Bird Book Boys** chat _

** Prince of Darkness:  ** Hey, Mike.  


**Christmas Carole Danner:** hey stan!

u seem kinda down. are u ok?

** Prince of Darkness: ** Yeah, I'm fine.

Does Carole like you? Your coworker or whatever she is.

**Christmas Carole Danner:** i would hope so.... but maybe she thinks i'm annoying haha

if u mean romantically.... i hope not tbh 

she's really pretty, and nice. but that would make things _really_ awkward. 

** Prince of Darkness: ** How so?

**Christmas Carole Danner:** because i really like you.

 **Prince of Darkness:** And you mean that?

 **Christmas Carole Danner:** did u ever doubt me ;-//)

 **Prince of Darkness:** Oh.... hahahahah.

Well, I really like you, too. Is why I was asking... 

I'm sorry. I just get really jealous. Which I know isn't fair to you, seeing that we're not dating and all. Even if we were, that would still be wrong. I don't really have a right to be so salty.

**Christmas Carole Danner:** aw. don't sweat it, handsome!

jealousy is a natural human thing u know?

i used to get mad jealous when i saw u and rich in the hallways together lmao

**Prince of Darkness:** Haha wait, really? Why?

 **Christmas Carole Danner:** bc i thought he was ur bf

hahaha and this is super embarrassing to admit but i still kinda get jealous of him now

when he first moved here i thought u had a crush on him

** Prince of Darkness: ** Aw. You don't need to be jealous of Richie.

He has Eddie. And admittedly (embarrassingly), I did have a little thing for him, but it's completely gone.

**Christmas Carole Danner:** so u did like him?? did he like u back??

 **Prince of Darkness:** Unfortunately. And oh, gosh, I dunno. I never asked.

But, hey. This cute guy wants to take me to an art museum. So I'm good now. 

**Christmas Carole Danner:** hmmm? i wonder who this art museum guy is?

 **Prince of Darkness:** I dunoooooo. ;-)

** Christmas Carole Danner: ** UR SO FUCKIN ADORABLE

but that ain't even the only reason why i like u ofc it's not the only reason

ur so smart, ur really funny, ur so nice even tho u try to be lowkey abt it and 

like u have the most beautiful smile i've ever seen. like it's just so bright.

u radiate brightness stan.

**Prince of Darkness:** You're the sweetest motherfucker I've ever met. Thank you sm.

** Christmas Carole Danner: ** i try sweetie. i try!

 

_ In **the powerpuff hoes** chat _

** Prince of Darkness:  ** SO I'M BACK. AND. **I-try-sweetie_screeshot.jpeg**  


**eddie the red nosed trans kid:** OH MY GOD HOW CUTE!!!!!  


** christmas queen: ** AYEEEE!!!

**Prince of Darkness:** What a SWEETHEART.

I was salty for like 2 seconds and now I feel so much better.

**christmas queen:** see lookit that!!

mike is really tryin hard to floss isn't he?

**eddie the red nosed trans kid:** Wait, floss?????

 **Prince of Darkness:** To impress, haha!

** eddie the red nosed trans kid: ** THANK YOUUUU

** christmas queen:  ** yeah in this case he's trying to impress stan!  


**Prince of Darkness:** I'm impressed.

I'm FUCKING impressed. 

Oh, god. I'm swooning again. Why does he keep on doing this to me.

**christmas queen:** u know why ;-)

 **eddie the red nosed trans kid:** You don't seem too much like the Prince of Darkness anymore babe haha!!!

 **christmas queen:** cause ur mans cheered u _right_ up 

** Prince of Darkness: ** I hate you both . :-///)

**Prince of Darkness** has changed their name to **Prince of Brightness**

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Rich: Eddie the Red Nosed Trans Kid has a very red ass nose  
> and if you ever saw it  
> you would say "damn Spaghetti, that blows"


End file.
